Wicked Commentary

It has now been 6 weeks since Hawk died and since that time I’ve had many changes.  I prayed for Jesus to be by my side each day to help guide me and help me as I pressed on with grief and stress on top of it. 

I am l very busy with the aftermath of his death.  I have still so much to take care of that it makes my head spin and problems I didn’t expect came up.  My time is limited online these days so I still can’t get to all the blogs I would like to comment on.  So my apologies to all of you who I regularly visited.  I’m sure that will change once I am in a less busy and stressful place.

I received many, what I call miracles or guardian Angels sent to me with so many gifts of love and money.

Two days prior to Hawk’s death, my 18 yr old Honda just quit on me. This car never gave me a lick of problems all those years.  It went to 3 mechanics before they diagnosed it as the motor was dead. That was too costly for me to have fixed.

The first mechanic, one we used since we came out here towed my car to the 2nd mechanic and did not charge me.  He too knew the situation I was now in.

From there the farm hands here decided to help me get Hawk’s old 1981 Jeep going. It would not start so they told me to get a new battery.  I got the battery and it ran for 2 short trips and then it too died on me.  And I had never driven this tank before so I had to learn and practice with it. I am still practicing since it was gone for 3 weeks.  That was a bit of stress I didn’t need either. I was used to a much smaller vehicle. This thing is huge, makes a lot of noise, and feels like I’m sitting on a buck board. But I was able to do it pretty quickly.

So the Jeep went to the mechanic and it took 3 weeks to get it fixed as the mechanic was so backed up with other cars.  I finally got it back on Wednesday. The alternator was bad and during that short time burned up the battery I bought and also my money for the new one.  My landlord is floating me a loan for the Jeep being fixed.

I received so much food, delivered by the Amish and a woman I never met or knew. For weeks I did not have to cook or buy groceries.  The woman I never met brought me boxes of food.

Several weeks later my daughter in law and her husband came to visit and took me on a grocery shopping trip which they paid for and took me to dinner.  And I got to see my grand children which uplifted me tremendously.

My brother and his wife came down to visit me and took me to a buffet lunch. This was also uplifting to see my family. They live in Cincinnati.

For 6 weeks I had no transportation and relied on my landlord and his wife who is a very good friend of mine that I met at my last job. We became very close and back then we even took a vacation together which was one of the best ever.  My landlord Bob gave me free rent for November so I could handle the extra expenses that kept coming up. 

The Saturday after Hawk died, DavetheRave came here and spent the weekend to help me handle funeral arrangements, take me to places I needed to get some necessary items like dog food for example. He was great company and comfort to me that first hard weekend.  DavetheRave is a gem.

Willibeaux is another gem who constantly called me to check on me and how I was doing. He made calls for me to Veteran organizations to see if there were any benefits to help me defray the cost of Hawk’s cremation.

Both of them continue to help me and advise me on so many things. I can’t be more thankful for all they have done for me.  Both of them continue to check on me and make sure I’m doing all right. Both of them certainly deserve their rewards in Heaven one day but not soon I hope. I don’t know what I would do without them.

As it turned out the funeral director needed an upfront amount applied to Hawk’s cremation which my brother paid for me.  From there the funeral director is allowing me to make monthly payments. He told me to send him whatever I have. Another angel.

The Hawk’s 3 sisters also sent me money to pay on the cremation, but when they found out about my transportation problem, they told me to use the money on that instead.

I also received money from some here on WordPress who I won’t mention their names as I don’t think they really would want me to publicize it.

Many of my readers and friends here email to check up on me too.

So many angels I can’t even count them anymore. And my gratitude and thanks abounds for everything that they did for me.

I have met new friends.  People at my church offered to come get me for services when I had no transportation.  I love all the people at my church since they all have been so kind and warm to me.  At church hugs are a big part of our congregation. It is so nice to receive all these hugs and love.

I made some changes on this blog because it is time for me to try to move on with my life.  You may have noticed or not. They are fairly subtle. I can’t change the name of the blog, but it still fitting since we have so many hawks out here in the wilderness.

I pray every night from a book Willibeaux and his wife sent me when my son died. Once again these prayers help me and guide me in the aftermath of Hawk’s death.

I am now adjusting to living by myself again. I have settled into a new schedule for myself. I am up very early to feed Merlin and the cats, take Merlin to potty, and then I have my coffee to get started for the day. Having my pets for company and Merlin for both that and being protective of me it is a great help in my healing process.

I want to thank all of you who have helped me during these weeks of grief and anxiety. Your prayers,  support and comfort, sharing, and all that you have done to be there for me. God bless you all.

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Comments on: "Miracles and Changes by Pepp" (54)

  1. You know how to find me when you need someone to talk to.

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  2. Awesome post, Pepperhawk! How absolutely wonderful. I realize it hasn’t been easy, but your adjustments are an inspiration! And now you have wheels! That’s so good to hear.

    I did notice the changes to your blog. And yet it retains the same “feeling” (don’t know if that makes sense).

    You are a trooper and ought to feel good about your progress, Pepperhawk. I am very excited for you! Take your time visiting blogs. Clearly you still have your hands full.

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    • peppermintfarm said:

      Thanks Mrs.Al,

      No nothing has been easy and I hope it didn’t sound like that. It’s been rough and tumble, but I’m always up for challenges when I have to face them. I prefer not this way, but that’s life.
      I’m sure the blog does retain some feeling. When I’m up to it I may move to a new blog, but that is for the future. Don’t have the time or brain cells for that right now.

      I do feel good about my progress. Thank you again. Yep, I just have to take time on the blogs. Some days I’ll get to a couple, maybe 3, or maybe none. It all depends on how my day is going. But, there are so many interruptions here I just have to let it go sometimes. I’m sure people understand. And by the time it’s 8pm, I’m worn out. Merlin gets me up so so early sometimes, like 5am or 6am. And then there are days he lets me sleep in until a late 7am.

      And Mrs. Al, I now have my screen name changed to Peppermint again.

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  3. Sorry to hear of all this additional crap. Always thought Dave had a heart of gold.

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    • peppermintfarm said:

      clyde,

      Right. Dave does have a heart of gold! Well, things could always be worse I guess. It was a real PIA on the car situation.

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    • Davetherave said:

      Thanks for the kind word Clyde. You’re aces in my book as well!

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  4. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid (John 14:27).

    May the peace and the love of the Lord be with you.

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    • peppermintfarm said:

      Walt,

      Thank you so much for that piece of Scripture. I so love John’s writings.

      I do feel the Lord is with me guiding me and helping me sending so many angels.

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  5. pick you sprits up

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    • peppermintfarm said:

      Oh, thanks so much Walt. Those were all so great. I loved it.

      Some of the Amish have Clydesdale to help with the heavier chores and then they have other kinds of horses. All so beautiful I think the Amish have the best horses in town.

      Across the road the Amish couple have some gorgeous horses that they put out in the field across the road. Every time Merlin and I are out there walking, they all come to the fence to see us. It’s so cool. The other day I went up to the fence and talked to them. One seemed a bit nervous so I just very quietly said, “Shh” and he looked at me intently and quieted down. When they are ready I’ll give them some apples.

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      • Pepper, so glad you enjoyed the Youtube video. We also live among the Amish here in north central Ohio. Oh to be younger and to be able to live that life style, that is as good as it gets in our way of thinking now. We are never ceased to be amazed of the sites. Once we saw a Amish man with a team of horses pulling a gasoline powered mower deck, what a site. Another incident was with our great Pyrenees (Sweet Pea, named after the April flower) and the first time she saw a buggy go past and her need to guard what she believes is hers, those folks may be in Kansas by now if the horse ever stopped. Oh the joys of living in the country

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        • peppermintfarm said:

          Walt, I so love being in the country where it’s peaceful, quiet, and with all the animals. I love being near the Amish and I know most of them on this road. They are mostly what’s on my road and I visit them when I get the chance. They are so sweet.
          That is astounding about the team of horses pulling that mower. They do things like that around here too. That’s a cute story about Sweet Pea. Merlin feels like he has to guard the cows and for some reason they all come up to see him at the fence when they are in the pasture behind the house. It’s so funny. He licks them in the face and they stand for it. LOL!

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  6. Been kind of quiet, Pepper,,, But please know that my Prayers and my Love are ever with you.
    I’ll fill you in, some day, as to what all has been happening, but not now.
    Stand Strong, My Beloved Friend,,, as you have said, you have many Angels gathered round you~!

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    • peppermintfarm said:

      Grouchy, I do know that your prayers and love are with me. I know who and what you are and I wouldn’t think anything else.

      Yes, I would love to hear what is happening on your end. I am doing everything I can to stand strong to get through all of this and with the help of God. I sure do have many angels that Jesus sent to me.

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  7. Gar Swaffar said:

    Philippians 4:13
    Without that none of us would get through a single day, and it sounds like there are a bunch of folks on that side of the country who are “walking the walk”

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    • peppermintfarm said:

      Gar,

      Yes, there are so many good people in this little rural town who have been so good to me and come to me. And they are walking the walk. It’s a tremendous feeling I’ve had with so many reaching out to me. This is a true Christian community that rarely exists anymore. I so love where I live.

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  8. Davetherave said:

    Hey Sis. Though I’m already aware of these other nerve racking issues you’ve had to deal with and some you still have to deal with it brings tears to my eyes reading it and hating you having to carry so many burdens. You already know this, but you have been faithful to Christ your entire life and He has guided you through so much pain. It is your faith that will once again make Christ more than happy to guide you through these issues as well.

    I’m glad I’ve been of some help to you. I love you just like a blood sister, so there’s nothing I can think of I wouldn’t do for you. The Blessings that have been sent your way during these very difficult times are truly amazing, but not surprising God would send them to a person like you that has been so loyal and has such strong faith.

    You are a great example for me to improve not only my relationship with Christ, but just to be a better person toward my fellow mankind.

    I love ya’ and I’m sure we will talk sometime today….

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    • peppermintfarm said:

      Dave,

      Thank you for your loving comments. You have been a huge help to me, more than you’ll ever know.

      I love ya too and I do want to TALK TO YOU TODAY!! I have something very important I want to say to you as I digested and thought over what we discussed yesterday.

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  9. Hi Peppermintfarm

    I’m glad things are coming together for you and all the angels who help you. And I’m sure you will come to love that jeep if not love it at least like it

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  10. I am just thrilled at how the Lord through His body has taken great care of you Pepper. You’re a special woman and I am so glad to have met you here. What an inspiration you are to all who have had terrible, terrible events in their lives. You are amazing.
    Thanks for this post. It lets us know where you are and how you’re doing. I’ll say it again. You are a very very special woman, Pepper. ♡

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    • peppermintfarm said:

      tannngl,

      Thank you for your lavish compliments. I’m not so sure I deserve them though. I do know I’m so glad too to have met you. You are also amazing. I’ve gone through worse, tannngl, when my son died. I nearly died with him over that one. It took me a very long time to recover and heal.

      You are so welcome and I will continue to let people know how things are going now that I see there is interest. And you are a very special woman too. Love to you also.

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  11. Pepp,

    I had no idea; what a shock to open my email to this terrible news. I’m so sorry and feel awful to be so late with condolences.

    Hopefully things will continue to get better for you.

    Love,

    Paulie

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    • peppermintfarm said:

      Paulie,

      I’m so glad you signed up for my email alerts. Yes, I imagine it was a shock for you. It’s never too late, Paulie, to give your condolences. I know that everyone may not know.

      I hope things continue to get better also as I slog through all of this.

      Love you too, Paulie, even your feet!

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  12. Thanks Pepp, for the update with all that is going on. What timing to be having car problems. Prayers always.

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    • peppermintfarm said:

      Bull, now I have another problem. My brother told me to make sure I start the Jeep up in the cold weather and at least let it run. Well, it got to running and I scraped the ice off. I had Merlin in there with me, just to start him getting used to being in the Jeep. Then I was going to run to the hardware store for some weatherization materials and I could not get the clutch engaged. It just would not go down. So, that was it for that trip and I don’t know what to do about that. I wonder if that’s why Ron told me it would be too hard for me to get the clutch down. It was doing fine until this cold weather. Got any ideas?

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      • Gar Swaffar said:

        If I may interject…
        Can you get the clutch pedal down while using both feet, without trying to get it into gear at the same time? Just getting the clutch pedal down, and then taking one foot off the clutch so you stomp on the gas and jiggle the gear stick around to the right place.

        My J-20 was a tough one in the winter too, my wife never drove it.

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        • peppermintfarm said:

          Gar, of course you may interject. I need the help. OK, so I should try to get the clutch down with both feet. Then take one foot off and jiggle the gears. I guess I can try that one. I imagine I should keep the brake lock on while doing this?

          What’s a J-20. I imagine it’s a jeep but what does the 20 stand for. If your wife had trouble getting your clutch down like me I can see why she didn’t drive it in the winter. Perhaps Ron meant the winter when he said that to me.

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          • Gar Swaffar said:

            J-20 was a 3/4 ton Jeep pickup – killer truck, it would climb a tree if the tree got in the way….or just drive over it

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          • peppermintfarm said:

            Gar, sounds like you had a great Jeep. Ron’s weighs a ton. The hood is so heavy I can’t even get the thing up. It feels like I’m driving a tank. He ran over big branches on the road with no trouble so I suppose he could have run over trees. This Jeep is so heavy.

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      • Even a tarp or something thrown over with a regular 100 watt bulb underneath would help. But having it run should warm up fluids eventually. (hard to believe it be that cold there)

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        • peppermintfarm said:

          Bull, I wish i had a tarp. It’s cold, but not that cold. And Ron had a real long electric cord that he used outside for plugging into the weed eater, but the farm guys cut the grass while he was in the hospital and ran over it and cut it to pieces. Sounds like I need to get a new, long outside electric cord.

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  13. peppermintfarm said:

    Do any of you guys know what to do about my clutch problem as explained under Bull. I’d sure appreciate any advise.

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  14. Gar Swaffar said:

    I presume the Jeep sits outside? If so, are you able to put an engine heater on it? Or barring that, an infra red heat lamp shining down at the clutch housing?

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    • peppermintfarm said:

      Gar, yes it sits outside. And engine heater? I know this must sound stupid but what is that? No I don’t have an infrared light.

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      • Gar Swaffar said:

        Engine heaters are usually used in ultra cold climates. Several different types, some are magnetic and stick to the engine block, and they have an electrical cord that you plug into a 120 v outlet. It keeps the engine from getting cold at night. Some are hooked into one of the radiator lines to circulate warm water through the engine block (kind of a hassle to hook up) and have the same sort of 120v hook up.

        The IR heat lamp is just an Okie/Redneck engine heating that uses a 75 watt or 100 watt IR heating light bulb in a drop light to shine on the clutch housing. I’ve no clue what clutch you have, however, I had a hydraulic clutch on my J-20 and when the temp got under 20 deg, it was a bear to get the clutch pedal down until it got warmed up going down the road.

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        • peppermintfarm said:

          Gar, I could probably get the Redneck thing going but where is the clutch housing? Is it under the hood? If so I can’t even lift the hood because of the heaviness. It weighs so much that even me, with a lot of upper body strength can’t get it up.

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  15. peppermintfarm said:

    Gar, btw, I’m sitting in this house freezing tonight.

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    • Gar Swaffar said:

      Why freezing inside?

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      • Gar Swaffar said:

        You have a LHEAP program in your area. Google the word LIHEAP and your county/parish. Use it Sister!

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      • peppermintfarm said:

        Gar, I have to keep the thermostat down to afford the electric bill. Now I did apply for the LIHEAP program but they didn’t give me enough to raise the thermostat. So I am going to use it, but the benefit they gave me really won’t help that much. Thanks you guys for your help.

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        • Gar Swaffar said:

          They also have a “Weatherization” component (it’s what I done for a living the last two decades). That part of LIHEAP is able to correct some of the problems you may (likely) have in the home. Keeping the heat you create is key to the lower electric usage.
          Also, using a Quartz IR heater is more efficient if the home is leaky.
          If you have specific questions regarding weatherization you can email me at garrsemail-pepp@yahoo.com.

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          • peppermintfarm said:

            Gar, yeah I forgot to call about the weatherization thing. Oh there are plenty of problems in this old house. I’m trying to get plastic up over the windows but don’t have enough right now.

            I don’t think I have the money to buy one of those IR heaters. How much do they cost. We do have a kerosene heater, but it’s buried in the mudroom closet.

            ok, I’ll check my yahoo account because I do have questions.

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    • I came across this link which is a good starting point locator and also has liheap on the site.http://www.communityactionky.org/Agencies/GetAssistance.aspx But time is ticking and they run it by alphabet. The community action could be helpful there and with connecting.

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      • peppermintfarm said:

        Bull, yeah, you have to apply when your last name letter comes up. So I did that last Wednesday. The lady there told me about the senior center bus I could get. So I called down there and got on the bus that day. They run up this way on Mon, Wed, and Fri. in the county.

        On Tues and Thurs they only pick up people who live in the town. Looks like I’m going to have to use the Senior bus again for now. They will take me anywhere I need to go in town. So I can go to the hardware store and pick me up a new electric cord, a tarp, if they have one, and the hanging light bulb thing, although I know we have one somewhere I just don’t know where. Sigh. I thought my biggest problem was resolved but here I go again. At least I can get to town on the that senior bus.

        I’ll have to get someone to pick me up on Thurs then because I have a doc app’t I can’t miss that day. Argh!

        I think right now the tarp would be the best idea to help keep the Jeep warm. I may not be able to use the Jeep in the winter is what I’m thinking, but I can still get out of here on that bus, but only on certain days.

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  16. Pepp, you have been through so much in the last 3-4 years and my heart just aches for you. I wish there was something I could do besides pray for you, but you know how much I care. Please keep me informed as to how you are doing. Praying that they can get your cars fixed. Take care my dear friend. Hugs and Love, Donna

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    • peppermintfarm said:

      Donna, yeah it’s been a bit much since my son died. But nothing was as bad as that. I know you care and you say prayers for me. Just keep on doing so. Well, my Honda is unlikely to ever be fixed as it cost too much money. I have the Jeep fixed but now the clutch won’t go down all the way, but I think it’s the cold weather. I am going to try to do what Gar explained. I’m praying now that the weather stops freezing.

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  17. peppermintfarm said:

    Guys, thank you all for the help and ideas about the Jeep. I sure appreciate every suggestion you all have given me. You are so special!

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  18. Pepper, thanks for sharing how our prayers for you are being answered. For those of us who can “only” pray, it is heart warming to hear how those around you who can do something are, in fact, doing so. This is real “social security,” when local communities help out each other with such specific needs. I’m afraid I am hopeless when it comes to cars, but if you ever need a protein purified, let me know! 😉

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  19. peppermintfarm said:

    Interface,

    Well thank you so much. Yes, I live in a small rural community and people do help one another here. I love it. The community consists of mostly Christians who want to help others. I live in one of those places where God, country, and being good neighbors still exist unlike some places where no one knows their neighbors and could care less.

    LOL! That’s OK you don’t know much about cars. I’m no mechanic either but I got a lot of advise from others here. Everyone on this blog is wonderful in my eyes and you too.

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