Wicked Commentary

Goshawk Dies by Peppermint

My beloved Goshawk died on October 25th.  It is a great loss to me and I have only begun my grief journey with yet another death.

Some of you who come to our blog may have noticed that we have not written or visited other blogs for some time now.  So I’m posting this so all who come here will know why.

The Hawk was not feeling well for the last 9 months, but there were no symptoms of his cancer.  Mainly his back hurt him and he slept a lot just not feeling well.

The only pain was in his back and the doctor found broken vertebrae and two compressed discs in his back so we thought that was the problem.  We had an appointment with a back surgeon on November 11th.  On that day, our doctor wanted to do a colonoscopy on Hawk since he was having another issue. Nothing was found in his colon. But he had a very swollen leg so he was admitted to the hospital.  The doctor thought he had a blood clot.  But, no matter how many cat scans, MRIs, and Dopplers done on him, nothing was found.

The team of doctors decided to run a CTA on him which is a test where a radioactive dye is given through an IV and lights up the body.  The horrible news was that he had terminal cancer that originated in his prostate and already metastasized everywhere and was in his bones.  Hawk was given about a month to live.

Instead of a month, he passed away in 2 weeks.

Willbeaux and Davetherave never wavered in their support and comfort to me.  Susie, the departed Lucie aka Purplegimp’s friend also stood by me throughout. I thank them all for the comfort and support they have given me throughout and still do.

Hawk and I had only 6 wonderful short years together.  I had hoped it would have been much longer but that was not God’s plan.  And I am sure Hawk is in God’s Hands now and no longer suffers from the horrific pain he was in those last 2 weeks.

Hawk was such a talented man.  When he was working he was an electrical contractor in California.  He gave his service to our country when he served in the Air Force and fought in Korea.

Aside he painted in oils and had so many people who wanted to commission paintings from him there were more than he could do.  His paintings were based on realism and his forte was painting animals which he brought to life on the canvas.

Ron studied in the martial arts and was a very strong man. He practiced Zen which he excelled in and he was proficient in survival.  He was an ace gun marksman and never missed a shot, even something in the air. He also was a knife and tomahawk thrower and never missed his mark.  He flew airplanes. He could fix almost anything besides electrical work which came in  handy in this rented house we live in.  He loved animals, he loved politics, and he was a rock to me when my son, Jeff, died. He never wavered in his support and comfort to me.

Those are just some of his talents.  I grieve that such a talented man is now gone from this world.  But, he is now in a better place especially now with the shape our country is in, which Hawk mourned so much.

For me, I am just beginning my grief journey.  I am exhausted and very sad without Hawk.  I will continue to write when I feel better. I can’t say how long that will be when I feel up to it. Right now I’ve lost interest in just about everything.

I hope you will all join in prayer.

The LORD Is My Shepherd.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green  pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

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Comments on: "Goshawk Dies by Peppermint" (68)

  1. Continuing in prayer for you, Pepperhawk. Love, Mrs AL.

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  2. Always and Ever, PepperHawk, my Love and My Prayers are with you. May God in His Mercy give you the strength to continue, and I’m sure I speak for many when I say, “I am here for you. Call on me when you wish to talk. ”
    With Love and Blessings, and my Heartfelt condolences,,,
    ~ ~ Grouchy ~ ~

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  3. You know how I feel. You, and The ‘Awk, as Willi called him, are very special to me, and have been, even when we may have disagreed on things. I am sorry to hear he had so much suffering over the past few months, and grieve even more for you,my friend. But, one thing I am confident in, is your strength to get through the grief, and continue the fight. You will be in our hearts, and prayers, and NEVER hesitate if there is anything I can do.

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  4. Bob Roller said:

    Six short QUALITY years are so much better than the 17 years that one of our friends endured in an abusive relationship.Our sincere condolences to you in this time of grief and please try to remember that if God brought you TO this,He will bring you THROUGH it.

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    • Very true Bob, 6 good years is better than a bad 17 years. Thank you for your condolences and I do believe God will see me through this and Jesus walks beside me right now.

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  5. Seeing that title among my new emails this morning sent a chill through my body. I’d just heard about Gos from Grouchy and stopped by yesterday to pay my respects, but seeing “Goshawk Dies” by Peppermint this morning was so sad.

    I can only imagine how difficult it is to have your soul mate taken from you after only six years. I know it’s a trite saying, but I do think it’s true – thank God for the time you had together. There’s no better way to honor his memory than to reflect often on the good (and tough) times you shared and know that Gos probably misses you as much as you miss him.

    Know that your extended family cares about you and prays for you, Pepp.

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    • Hi Garnet,

      It is difficult to be without Ron now and I’m depressed. I do thank God for the short time we had together. I won’t ask God why. Thanks Garnet. I do know you all are like family to me. And I appreciate that very much.

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  6. I have no words, except to tell you that I am with you in spirit and prayer. Pepgal, all of the people who know you will be here, this I know. Friends ’round here are family, gal. Call us!

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    • Nee, thank you for your prayers and telling me you are with me in spirit and prayers. I do think of you all as family to me. Some of the most wonderful people in my life.

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  7. Amen

    ……gar

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  8. My heart mourns for you, Pepperhawk. Will be keeping you in my prayers. May God’s grace & peace comfort you now and in the days to come, may His loving arms wrap you in his warming embrace. Sending my Love, Kimberly

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  9. Words never are enough. But I will continue to ask God each morning to ease your pain as you mourn, which you must do. You’re not a stranger to loss of those you love. But each one is different. I’m also praying that the Lord will show you a great sign that will also give you great comfort. He is you strength for yesterday, today and tomorrow too.

    May the peace of the Lord Christ go with you, wherever He may send you. May He guide you through the wilderness, protect you through the storm. May He bring you home rejoicing at the wonders He has shown you. May He bring you home rejoicing once again into our doors.

    Love,
    Tannngl
    XXOO

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    • tannngl,

      Thank you for your wonderful comment. I too ask God every day. many times a day to guide me through another loss of one of the sweetest, kindest man I’ve ever known. I know Jesus walks by my side and He has already brought me many blessings as I mourn for my dear Hawk.

      Thanks for your prayer. I need many right now as this is so difficult once again.

      Love ya too,
      Pepp

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  10. My deepest condolences, Peppermint. There are no adequate words, except to note that Goshawk’s passing is a burden we all carry. I pray you find some solace in knowing his life and legacy lifted the hearts of so many. May Goshawk find peace in the Lords’ Kingdom denied him by illness in this life.

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    • Saltwater,

      Thank you for your condolences. I do suppose losing Gos is a burden for all of you too. I know that most people really liked Gos. Yes, Gos is with God right now and no more suffering for him. With that I feel at peace, but without him here with me, I miss him so much.

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  11. Like many here, I haven’t the words. Just know that you’re not alone on this journey.

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  12. I meant him and I will miss this dear man My prays are with you Pepperhawk

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  13. So sorry to hear this. Prayers for comfort and strength to you and yours.

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  14. Jodie Vakeva said:

    I had noticed and wondered how you guys were. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss and my thoughts & prayers are with you. Praying for you! OXOXO

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  15. Having not seen any post, I feared something must have occurred.
    Say not in grief he is no more – but live in thankfulness that he was.
    God bless you in your time of need.

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  16. Numbers 6: 24-26
    Call me if you need to talk, my friend.

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  17. Pepp,
    I am so sorry to hear of this.
    Though I didn’t know Goshawk as well as some of your older friends, the passing of such an honorable and talented man is a great loss to all.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  18. Pepperlita, I am so very sad to learn of Ron´s passing. He loved you with all his heart and was so very protective of you. What a man! You are always in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you.

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  19. willibeaux said:

    Lil Sis! Here is the Numbers passage (Numbers is the book; 6 is the chapter; 22-26 are the verses) in the Old Testament that Craw mentioned. I include it at the end of our nightly prayers, It’s called the Aaronic blessing.

    Numbers 6:22-26
    King James Version (KJV)
    22 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
    23 Speak unto Aaron and unto his sons, saying, On this wise ye shall bless the children of Israel, saying unto them,
    24 The LORD bless thee, and keep thee:
    25 The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:
    26 The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

    It is used by many clergymen today to bless all of God’s children.

    Luv
    Big Bro

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  20. You have my deepest sympathy, Pepp. Hawk will be sorely missed.
    My prayers always. May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

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    • Bull, thanks for your condolences and yes, Hawk will be missed so much. Thanks for your prayers. I hope that God has me in his Hands, I sure need Him.

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  21. Davetherave said:

    Pepp, forgive my late comment but Hawk’s death is devastating to me. He is now in God’s Kingdom and knows no more suffering, pain or sadness.

    Though I so wish the circumstances had been different; I greatly enjoyed the three days we spent together and will cherish them always. I will see you again soon and you will always be in my prayers. Call upon me WHENEVER you’d like.

    P.S. Tell Merlin O’ Redneck Rave said hello… 🙂

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    • Dave, I know Hawk’s death devastated you as did me. I know he must be in pain no longer.

      I greatly enjoyed your company and help over the weekend. It was so comforting to me to have you and of course you are welcome anytime you wish. Thanks for your continued prayers.

      And yes, I’ll tell Merlin good ole Dave said hello, but he might go looking for his new great friend and then mope all day. He sure had fun with you! What a pair you two are!

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      • Davetherave said:

        Pepp, I so enjoyed the time I spent with you and Merline even under the worse circumstances. You and I talked away hours upon hours face to face just like we do on phone and I will always cherish our talks and your friendship.

        I’ll be back for another visit as soon as I can work it out an by all means tell Merlin I greatly enjoyed us becoming best buddies and I look forward to seeing him again!

        P.S. Next on the menu must be your Lasagna…the last Italian dish you made was so wonderful!!! Love ya’ Sis….Therave

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        • Dave,

          I’m so glad you enjoyed your stay here even with me in such a state as I am. I too cherish your friendship more than I can tell you. Our talks I love so much.

          I too hope you can come back soon and Merlin, once again, will be in heaven to see you. See you never had to worry about Merlin tearing one of your limbs off. LOL! I’ve never seen Merlin take to someone as well as he did you. Now you are the best of buddies.

          OK, lasagna it shall be. And I’m so glad you loved the Italian dinner I made for you. It’s such a delight to see someone love what one cooks for company. Love you too, Bro.

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  22. Dear Pepp,
    Simple words cannot express my sympathy for your loss. Hawk’s passing is such a shame. He was a stand-up guy and will be missed.

    I am terribly sorry for your loss.

    Please know that you will be in my prayers.

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    • HN,

      Thanks for stopping by. Yep, Hawk was a stand up guy with a heart of gold. He spoiled me so much.
      Thank you for your prayers. I am in need of prayers constantly to deal with yet another death.

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  23. You are in my prayers Pepp, He will be missed by many, including myself.

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  24. You are still in our prayers. Contact me anytime you just want to talk. It was good talking to you. It seems you have a lot of people that loves you and are praying for you. Take comfort in that and realize you are never alone. Love ya, Pamela

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    • Pamela,

      Thank you so much for your prayers. It was good getting to talk to you too. You were so sweet just as Dave described you. He highly regards you. Yep I have a lot of people praying for me and that sure does help. I am taking comfort in all the people who are helping me right here and in my neighborhood. I feel so blessed to have such good people around me. I have many good people in this town who have helped me every step of the way. God is sending them to me. Love ya too, Pepp

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  25. Pepp, my apologies for being so late. I am so very sorry for your loss and you are in my prayers. We’ve lost so many loved ones to cancer and it only gets worse as we get older, it seems. Cancer is one mean sob and leaves no one untouched. You stay strong and God will get you through this. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Kathy

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    • Kathy,

      It’s never too late so don’t concern yourself with that. Cancer is a horrible disease like you said. I’m sorry you have lost so many loved ones with cancer. Yes, it seems to take down so many. I’m trying to stay strong and pray for God to be with me at all times. Yep, one foot in front of the other is just about where I am right now and I’m exhausted with grief. Thanks so much for stopping by. Pepp

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      • Hi Pepp,

        I didn’t say that exactly right – I meant we all, collectively, have lost so many to cancer. It affects everyone we know in some way. And I won’t even get started on what I think of the racket they call treatment. They help a lot of people, but there’s a bunch that get so sick and it seems unbearable to go through, ya know? Deep breath, girl, you hang in there. Kathy

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        • Kathy, that’s OK. Yes a lot of people die of cancer and the treatments themselves are very hard to take. I watched a good neighbor of mine battle ovarian cancer for 5 yrs. It was hard to see her go through all the ramifications of chemo. She lost part of her hearing, her eyes went bad and she was having numbness in her hands and feet. She was a trooper though and never gave up until the end. I miss her to this day.

          I’m trying to hang in there, but it is only a little over a week now since Hawk’s death and I’m so exhausted all the time.

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  26. My condolences to you! I found you on Hardnox & Friends, and followed a link through your reply to one of their posts. When you see your beloved in the future, you will be celebrating at the table of Jesus.

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    • myfoxmystere,

      How nice of you to come by when you don’t even know me. I’ve had more people than I can count come by here, neighbors I’ve never even met, bringing food and comfort. God works in mysterious ways.

      I too hope I will see Hawk one of these days at the table of Jesus. Thank you so much.

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  27. Pepp, you are in my prayers. My mother lost my step-father after only about four years of marriage, so I have some familiarity with what you’re going through. (I wrote about my step-dad, whom I’d only met once, here: http://theinterfaceofdataandlife.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/11-11-11-hug-a-veteran-todaymy-personal-tribute/
    …you are not alone in this experience.)
    The verses shared above are all good. Let me give you Psalm 146 to meditate upon, especially verse 9. May His grace and peace keep you in Christ Jesus. Amen.

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    • Interface,

      Thank you for stopping by and your prayers. Everyone’s prayers are holding me up by the Hand of God right now. Thank you for the inspirational verse. I will try to read your article soon.

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  28. Bobbie Kelley said:

    So very sorry for the loss of your dear Goshawk. Prayers going up that God will take you under His protective wing and carry you through this sad valley of tears. Is there anything that I can do?

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    • Hi Bobbie,
      Nice to see you. Thank you for your prayers. And is there anything you can do? How nice of you to ask. Just keep sending those prayers up for me right now. It’s really a tough time for me with Hawk not here anymore. He was such a good man.

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      • Bobbie Kelley said:

        Prayers and heartfelt best wishes are on the way. We used to email each other and when my old PC crashed I lost dozens and dozens of addresses; yours being one of them. Mine is bak936@hotmail.com. You are welcome to use it anytime if you wish. I’m just over the next hill in the neighboring state of Tennessee. You’re invited to visit my email address or my home address. Take care, Pepp, and God be with you.

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  29. I am so very sorry for your loss. Your man sounds so much like mine it made my heart hurt for you. God will give you Strength and I ask Him to wrap you in His Mighty Arms and heal your heart.

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