Wicked Commentary

Goshawk’s Random Rants

Having raised and trained German Sheperds all my life, how did I end up with two Cats?! I don’t even like Cats. And they’re really hard to train for attack work, but I keep trying. I was trying to train my Cats as “Bird dogs” to keep the Birds away but they won’t coöperate!  So far, they’ve got me trained pretty well!

 I think most of us could write a book filled with ‘Rants” about our government. So I’ll just mention the one that disturbs me the most. What has happened to the Spine of Americans?? How is it possible that we can literally watch this Communist take-over going on and do nothing to stop them????

I think the Birds around here are out to get me. I washed the bird droppings off my Jeep before going to town. Then I went into change clothes. I came back out to find the Birds had done their work again!  So, I washed the Jeep again and this time drove away so the Birds wouldn’t get me. When I came out of the store, I found that the Birds had tracked me down. My Jeep was covered again. Not other cars in the parking lot. Just mine!

Being I’m a retired Falconer I was thinking about catching and training a couple of Falcons. (Birds always disappear when they’re around.) But Pep will not coöperate!  She says we have too much to do and we don’t need another project.

Why do I always have to get up at 4am when the dogs are barking for either food or to go out potty while Pep sleeps through the entire noisy outbreak?  She sleeps through the riding lawnmower, tractors and combines, and delivery trucks coming into the driveway, but the minute I turn the TV on she wakes up.

Why is that when I cook an exotic meal for dinner that needs eating immediately, I can’t pry Pep off the computer to come to dinner?   What do I do with Pep????

Who am I kidding???

Advertisements

Comments on: "Goshawk’s Random Rants" (148)

  1. Hawk, You are going about the bird training all wrong. They just need uniforms like your new camo training BDUs. I don’t understand how you think they will cooperate wearing nothing but feathers. Silly man

    Like

  2. Gray Ghost (Mississippi) said:

    Gos, your problem is that you don’t go with the flow. If you are a Viking (and just born in the wrong century as I gather from your first picture in this article), then you need to realize that your problems are brought on by you wanting to be in total control. You need to sit back, smell the mead, sharpen your battle axe, and yell out “Valhalla” every now and then.

    Perhaps you need to watch either “The Vikings” (Kirk Douglas, Tony Curtis, 1958), “The Long Ships” (Richard Widmark, 1964) or “The Thirteenth Warrior” (Antonio Banderas, 1999). Then you can get in touch with your inner Viking self and just be a laid-back “berserker” warrior.

    Of course, I could be completely full of shiite.

    Like

    • Ghost,

      LOL! I think you’re right about the control thing. I can be extremely hard-headed and stubborn at time. (Hmm.. maybe that’s why Pepp calls me a “control freak.” 🙂 Maybe I do need to get in touch with my inner self….

      But hey! I like the idea of going outside and yelling “Valhalla!” Maybe the Viking God will give me some help and call off the Birds!

      Like

    • Ghost,

      I tell the Hawk all the time he needs to go with the flow more. He’s too uptight and does need to get in touch with his inner self. I also tell him to go outside and yell since there is nobody around who would hear him plus it gets rid of a lot of frustration and aggression. So I think your ideas are good ones. 🙂

      Like

    • Ghost,

      OMG…LMAO!!!! That was some was funny azz sh*t!

      Like

  3. ‘awk,

    I don’t know what to do first? LMAO! Ya’ got dem dar hairs standin’ up on me redneck bout da commies taking over, but den ya’ make me laugh my ass off! We all know therave hates dem damn commies and like to deal wit dem propriately! But, I think for now I’ll just run with laughing my ass off!

    Like

    • Dave,

      I’m glad to help bring a smile to your face.

      And By The Way…all ya’ll feel free to add your own “Rants.” I’m sure you’ve have some!

      Like

      • ‘awk,

        I could fill up this blog with my rants about the damn Idiot and Chief and the communist takeover, but it would take Pep all day editing my comments so they were permissible for everyone to read…

        Like

  4. WOW. I’m at a loss where to start, Goshawk. This is great. You and Pepp are so ‘puter saavy. The pics are priceless and your commentary even moreso. Guess the only comment I have is that, unlike Pepp, I don’t even wake up if a TV is turned on. I would probably sleep through a nuclear blast.

    Like

    • I’ve slept right through many a katyusha flurry. Even the one that landed 150 yards away didn’t wake me. It was the phone that woke me up after that one. I also slept right through a week of Goshawk’s snoring in the next room!

      Like

      • LOL! Ah come on Gimp! You know I don’t “snore.” That must have been Pepp! 🙂

        Like

        • Uh, sorry, but Pepp was right in the room with me working on the computer! Nice try, but no cigar. Even poor half starved Susie mentioned it!

          Like

          • Hmm.. so I do snore eh? I’ll get Pepp to record me snoring so that ‘I’ can hear what I sound like!

            By the way. I bet that’s one sound that would have Pepp awake in a hurry. Those katyusha Rocket exploding close by!

            Like

          • Lucie,
            Thx for defending me. Whilst the Hawk snored away Susie starved.
            Now how bad is that?

            Like

        • Hawk,

          You DO SNORE! I just gently roll you over onto your side to stop that and then I can go to sleep.

          And NO, katyusha rockets would not wake me up. I’d just sleep through those like I do the farm equipment and the dogs and any other noise except that damn TV.

          Like

      • Ilana,

        That’s hilarious! Comparing the ‘awks snoring to Katusha bomb bombardments!

        ‘awk…buy ya’ some Breath Rights brother!

        Like

    • Mrs. Al,

      Thanks for the compliments. I wish Pepp could sleep that soundly! Well… She can, until I turn the TV on, no matter how low the volume. I won’t even be able to hear it, but it wake her up. 🙂

      Like

    • Mrs. Al,

      I would sleep through the nuke blast I’m sure, but the minute Hawk turns on that TV and it’s loud I wake up. It’s blasting right into my ears. For some reason I can’t take it. And up and wide awake I am as if someone put a very loud and blaring alarm clock right under my nose.

      Like

    • Mrs. Al,

      Thx for the compliment. This Rant took a lot of work. 🙂

      Like

  5. privbullright said:

    Hawk,
    Good piece. I’m laughing so hard now. Just don’t tell me the birds and commies are connected somehow. That would be the last straw.(is there is one left)

    Like

    • Bull,

      You’ve given me something to think about. Maybe there is some connection between the birds and Commies! After all, with the spies Ovomit has out and about. Maybe these Birds have built in Transceivers! Hmmm… I’ll break out da ole shotgun and find out!

      Like

      • ‘awk,

        LMAO!!!!!

        Like

      • Hawk,

        I think you’ve got something there. I’m sure our gangster government would think nothing about putting transceivers onto those poor little birdies just to spy on us.

        Like

      • privbullright said:

        Hawk,
        You know, it could have something to do with the drone surveillance. (I didn’t think about that)

        Like

        • Bull,

          You’re right. They do have those micro-miniature drones now. Maybe they’ve perfected them to look like insects and birds etc.

          Like

        • PBR,

          We have now accidentally discovered how the Liar in Chief is going to target Americans he deems as terrorists. He’s going to use these tiny drones on us. We better watch more carefully when we’re outside with the birds and the bees. You can never tell now if it’s a drone ready to strike us down. And heaven forbid if he uses flies. They get into the house all the time. A person could be just sitting down eating his/her lunch, have a fly land on them and KABOOM they are gone up in smoke. Wow! We’ve gotta lot to look forward to I see.

          Like

    • PBR,

      I guess there is still a straw left to break the camel’s back since we haven’t risen up as yet.
      More attacks on we, the people, I guess are necessary yet. 😦

      Like

  6. Let me see if I have this right so far … Pepp can sleep through most anything except when the TV comes on. IIana has slept through “many a katyusha flurry” and Goshawk’s snoring but wakes up when the phone rings … me thinks there is a pattern developing here, just not 100% sure what it is yet. A little more data and I just may have it!

    Like

    • Mrs.Al,

      Maybe this will help. Hawk wakes when the dogs bark, but NEVER hears the phone, thus we miss many a phone call. Even when I try calling him while I’m elsewhere he never hears the doggone phone. I have a story coming up, a personal one where I’m going to try to make a trauma a funny story and it includes the Hawk’s inability to ever hear the phone.

      Like

    • Mrs. Al,

      A pattern developing? Hmmm….Do you supposed I’m being conditioned and trained by two legged Cats? 🙂

      Like

      • Hehe, goshawk! Say, do you and Pepp do stand-up somewhere? You really play off one another well.

        Like

        • Mrs. Al,

          Yeah, we do have a show down here in the hills. But it’s not a complete stand up routine. The Hawk stands and I usually fall down.

          We do play off of one another well. You should hear us sometimes when we start making jokes during the debates. We play off of each others comments until we’re dying with laughter and nearly falling out of bed.

          Like

        • Mrs. Al,

          No, no stand-up, we just try and keep a little humor in our lives. God knows there’s not much going on these days to laugh about.

          Like

  7. Susie Owens said:

    Well if you me Hawk that day was something I was staving and as for snoring I do too Now about training cats to get rid of birds. Just let them thing they are doing all the work give them the credit. After all any cat owner knows that the cat the boss. As for the falcon used a robot one birds will have no clue

    Like

    • Susie,

      Now you’ve got some darn good ideas there for Hawk. He should have thought of this himself. Right, get a robot falcon or image of one sitting here in the back of the house and those birds will be gone pronto. No more crap on the jeep. That should make the Hawk happy.

      You’re right about cats too. They are the BOSS and the sooner you learn that the better. See Hawk just hasn’t had cats before so he has a lot to learn here.

      Like

      • Hey Pepp!

        I just had a great idea! Maybe I could train your German Shepard to catch tweety birds!….
        …No that won’t work either. Cause you already have Merlin trained to obey you and keep an eye on me.

        Like

        • Hawk,

          That’s right. You can’t make a move without that dog of mine watching you like a hawk. Oh, that’s funny, a hawk watching the hawk. Hee hee.

          Merlin would rip your throat open if you dared to do anything so WATCH OUT!

          Like

          • Pepp,

            Are you kidding?? I don’t even sneeze around that bear you call a dog!
            He’s grown to be one big Shepard and still growing! Plus he always has this wired look when looking at me. Like maybe he’s eyeing his next meal. 😦

            Hawk, Pepp here. Merlin isn’t eying you for a meal my dear. You are far too thin for a meal for him. He’d have you eaten up in a NYC second. He’s keeping an eye on you to make sure you don’t do any harm to me (which of course you wouldn’t you sweet man) but just in case Merlin’s ready to rip your throat open.

            Like

    • Hi Susie!

      How are you doing? OK I hope.

      The problem with your suggestion Susie is that the darn Cats do NO work! I swear I think a bird could land on their heads and it wouldn’t bother them. I’ll take a good German Shepard any day over a whole sack full of Cats!

      But then, maybe I am approaching this Cat training all wrong. I spoil them rotten. Probably making them lazy.

      To get a Falcon to hunt (you don’t “train” them to hunt. They’re already expert hunters. But very lazy. If they are not hungry they won’t hunt.) So when you want it to. You must not feed them the day before the hunt.

      Maybe that’s what I need to do with the cats. Quit feeding them!

      Maybe I’ll try that phony Falcon thing. Thanks.

      Like

  8. Gos,

    Great rant.

    When my wife and I were 1st married she liked to watch TV at night and it would wake me up no matter how low the volume. I quickly found a solution around our problem. I took the TV apart and installed a headphone jack in it. She was able to watch TV and I was able to sleep. In todays world you wouldn’t even need a pesty wire running over to the TV that you can trip over.

    Like

    • Dogged,

      Thx for that info. That is exactly what we need so Hawk can watch his beloved TV and I can sleep soundly. My doc says I need my sleep at night. I was getting no more than 2 to 3 hours a night. And believe me when a blaring TV wakes me up, I’m not in a good mood to say the least. 😉

      Like

    • Dogged,

      A good idea, I shoulda thought of that. I could get one of the wirelss xmitters with earphones. But it would have to have it’s own audio amplifier so I can cut off the TV speakers. That way NO sound comes into the room.

      Like

    • privbullright said:

      Dogged, Hawk, Pepp:

      LMAO, You guys make me laugh. Good stuff. I remember my wife also had to watch TV to sleep. I would turn it off and she’d wake up. You know, this problem could disappear if O-Bastid had his way. He might commandeer late night/am TV for official use. Then he would broadcast his speeches and propaganda all night, just like other dictators do. So even without volume no one will want it on, especially if they are trying to relax.

      Like

  9. willibeaux said:

    Well now ‘awk! You’ve done it again. You want to train your cats to be more aggressive towards birds.

    I ‘ave the perfect solution but you ‘ave to trust me. Our fearless leader the SPOOK ‘as been training some cats to just be like ‘is badd @zz Ugger Lagers, meaner than a KY Redneck ‘shiner. These will be very unusual Ugger Lager cats as they will attack anything on command if you use the proper Navajo code talker lingo. 😉

    SPOOK’S right hand man, Willibeaux Slocum, a wanna be badd @zz Nawth Gawja Redneck cracka’, will spend the necessary man-hours to train your cats. Cost will be $25.00 (cash) per cat or he will take 2 gallons of pure 100 proof KY ‘shine in lieu of cash.

    Teaching you and them the Navajo code talker lingo will be a little more difficult because cats ‘ave a mind of their own.

    Are you game?

    ‘ooRah! 😉

    Like

    • privbullright said:

      Willi,
      Now I have to keep an eye out for killer felines. It’s nice another currency is already in circlulation though.

      Like

      • PBR,

        While there is still another currency around, it has the added effect of making you feel good while you spend it unlike the dollar. Using the dollar is only worth .43 cents and after you spend it you have no good feelings to show for your effort.

        Like

        • privbullright said:

          Pepp:
          Watering down our money, its ironic isn’t it? The hidden tax, and most people aren’t think about that either.

          Like

          • PBR,

            No most people don’t realize that with the Federal Reserve printing money constantly and there is no value behind it the dollar is losing it’s worth. Many economists call it the “hidden and meanest tax” there is due to the devaluation of the dollar. So, what you’ve got now is a dollar worth about .43 cents. Less than half what it should be worth. Therefore if you are on SS your SS check has basically been cut in half. Or if you work then your paycheck has been cut in half
            due to the inflation the Federal Reserve causes when it prints “funny”
            money not worth crap.
            But, the gangster government doesn’t want you to know this because they know people would be even more in a rage if they realized what the Federal Reserve is doing to our money supply. And, of course these “inflation” statistics are never included in the government’s inflation report. Food and gas are not included at all in the inflation rate so I actually heard a dumbocrat say the other night, “there is no inflation.” I about fell out of bed when I heard this woman say that. I thought she must not shop for her own groceries or buy her own gas. Clueless morons and a BHO shill like they all are.

            Like

      • willibeaux said:

        Bull! Do you like ‘shine!

        Like

        • privbullright said:

          I couldn’t handle the stuff now. If its stronger than grapefruit I’s in trouble. Reminds me of a woman I heard at a Christmas party complaining she felt terrible from going out with a girlfriend the night before. She said she doesn’t drink hardly so her and her friend just had 2 apple martinis each. To that I laughed. She said, “What’s the matter?” I chuckled and said, it’s all alcohol. “Oh really?”, she asked, “I don’t know and thought it was a light drink…but a lil’ bitter.” Apparently her husband tried to tell her that but she didn’t believe him.

          So ‘shine no, but call me a capitalist. I suppose I’d try it, like the whisky processes fascinate me too. (just for asthetics) 🙂

          Like

          • PBR,

            During my past life with my X husband, his uncle brought down what he called “potato” wine. Well, it about knocked your socks off as it was so potent. It tasted really good, more like a sherry than a wine, but it was a knock out and I mean that literally.

            Like

        • privbullright said:

          Willi,
          Since you mention shine, it seems Bloomberg is starting a jihad against alcohol in NYC. (with assistance of Obamacare) There could be a big market there for shine. There would be enough black market stuff going on to make his hair curl. He sees a way to get fed O-care money for his plans.

          Like

          • Bull,

            Bloomberg is either to stupid to realize that “prohibition” didn’t work. Or he wants to recreate that black market because he’s in the position to make a fortune through his henchmen!

            Like

          • privbullright said:

            Hawk,
            Funny, we can’t get the kind of prohibition we need in this country.

            Like

          • Bull,

            What kind of prohibition did you have in mind?

            I know we should somehow prohibit “Stupids” from voting. 🙂

            Like

          • privbullright said:

            Hawk,
            That would do for a start. And prohibit career corruption from rooting itself in our government. Preventing subsidy sucking politicos from bleeding or altering our government. I haven’t honed down the language, i.e. from using gubmint contrary to its design. A de facto prohibition which “should” already exist.

            Like

    • Hey Beaux!

      Ifin ya’ll kin teach de’s cats o mine ta be the bad boy’s ya’ll say they’ll be, I’m in!

      Like

    • Willibeaux,

      You are a crack up. I like training the cats with the Navajo code however. Cats can learn. I told Hawk he’s just going about it the wrong way. As is usual, the cats have the Hawk trained instead of the other way around. If he wants those lazy cats to do anything he should not be rewarding them for jumping into the kitchen from the mudroom where they stay and giving them treats. He spoils every animal alive. So what can he expect of his efforts. Those cats don’t have to do a single thing to get a treat out of the Hawk. He’s just a sap. 😀

      Like

  10. Susie Owens said:

    Hawk I am fine thanks for asking Hey they used fake owl here in Cumberland Did it work no. Now as for cats take your computer and show your cats that this is a bird and you are suppose to hunt them. If that doesn’t work paint your truck to look like a falcon and set your horn to sound like a falcon

    Like

    • Susie,

      I’m LOL! Train the cats with a computer. Ha ha ha I can just see me trying to do that!

      Paint my Jeep. I don’t know about that now. But then, maybe if I painted the head of a Goshawk (like my avatar) on the hood would work. Hmmm.. probably look pretty cool to!

      I’m glad to hear your OK. Please, take care of yourself.

      Like

    • Susie,

      You have some great ideas. My X husband actually taught our first cat to catch mice because she wasn’t the least bit interested in doing it. He would catch a mouse in a contraption that didn’t kill it, then bring the cat in and let her go after it. She soon got the lesson she was in the house to kill mice. It was hilarious to watch this.

      And, my X decided this had to be done one night while we were sitting at the kitchen table and lo and behold there were 3 little mice eating out of the cat’s food dish and she was nowhere around. Now that was some sight and the 3 mice looked like they were straight out of a Disney movie.

      Like

  11. Great blog, Hawk! Hope you make this a regular feature! It makes a lot of sense!

    Love the photos of your animal famdamily! Take care of each other!

    Like

    • Hi Dawn!

      Thanks for the compliment, and the encouragement. Pepp and I were talking this evening about doing this more often, With all the crap that’s going on in our country now, I think we all need to break away from the constant bombardment of bad news. And we could all use this feature to Rant a bit. 🙂 Got anything? Any pet peeves ‘you’ want to vent about jump in there!

      You guys take care too. We hope you’re both doing well.

      Like

      • Well, Hell, Chicalitos!

        Sure ya wanna get me started? Okay, I know you`re both so easy …. I don`t like waiting in line …. especially at the DMV …. We hafta go there in a couple days and I know they are lying/laying in wait for us …. Truly, you have no idea of the bureaucracy(sp) …. sheesh, I can`t even spell it … like this before …. Won`t matter that we have the registration …. Won`t matter that we have all the flipping paperwork, as ordered in the years past … They will put us through HELL!!!! …. And then, after all that, we will still have to go to La Migra …. Yah, I know, we made the decision to live here …. but whoa! I dread going to have my photo taken with hair combed straight back, no curls, no waves, no earrings … And my husband will look normal ….sNo shirt, sNo shoes, sNo service …. Aggghhhhh!

        And my point is …..

        Like

    • Hi Dawn,

      Good to see ya here. And glad you liked the Hawk’s rantings. When he gets going he can be so utterly funny. We need more humor in our lives. Things are just too bad here with the constant assault on our eyes and ears on a daily basis.

      And good thing to give the Hawk encouragement to do these rants “every” Friday. 🙂

      Like

  12. privbullright said:

    Here is a mini-rant (not to be confused with a mini-cooper)

    I can feel some sympathy for people in NYC. Bloomberg, constructing the premier nanny state, has either banned or regulated salt; trans fats; smoking; religious clergy prayers at 911 anniversary; Christmas “holiday” tree and menorah decorations from a ferry terminal (safety concerns); the Algonquin Hotel’s infamous lobby cat banned from the lobby; and is hot on the trail of alcohol sales and guns. After two terms, unwilling to surrender his position and with lots of money to spare, Bloomberg stole a third term as mayor and then claimed he was begged and drafted to stay. Apparently he had lots more work…I mean bans to do. Why does it matter to us non-residents? Well, Like San Fran or Berkeley, given the right incubation this sort of thing can happen elsewhere. It is an example of rotting government. Now that he will use the Obamacare to attack alcohol he is setting quite the example no doubt others will follow.

    Like

    • Bull,

      You really have more than a “mini-rant” there. That’s one of the biggest assaults on our Freedoms and Liberty itself! People,usually Liberal/Progressive’s (or what ever name they try and hide behind these days) that are in a position to enforce their ‘Absolute Stupidity’ on the rest of us!

      And every way you go you can’t get away from it! Even in cookbook recipe’s they tell you, not just the ingredient but the “type” to use! Such as “Canola oil,” (which I never use) or Salt free this, or sugar free that and that tasteless “Low-Fat” crap!

      This Liberal disease is into every part of our lives and should be exterminated!

      Like

      • Bull,

        BTW, Note the time of these posts. As I said above, I’m up feeding and trying to keep the dogs quite so they don’t disturb my better half! 🙂

        Like

      • privbullright said:

        Yes, its just insane.Then to see that they banned a cat from the Hotel lobby, it is stupicity times a hundred. But pay no mind to what he is doing in trying to keep himself in office. (people should not worry themselves over that)

        I bet they are very happy animals now. Happier than the Algonquin cat I’m sure. 🙂

        Like

        • PBR,

          Banned a cat from the hotel lobby? I’m glad we don’t live in NYC. We would have to move outta there for sure.

          I’m assuming from what you say that Bloomberg buys the office of Mayor and nobody has that kind of money to run against him. If people were smart they would vote him out, but like we see all over the country there are a lot of stupid people who will once again vote for that Fraud we’ve got.

          Like

    • PBR,

      Great rant about Prince Bloomberg of NYC. I was wondering the other night how he stays in office as Mayor. We saw how he’s going after alcohol now and our jaws dropped. Is he trying to bring back Prohibition? He’s a mad man full of himself stepping on everybody’s rights in NYC. I’ve never seen such a run amok creature as he is except for our illustrious Liar in Chief, the King of lawlessness.

      I guess Bloomberg doesn’t realize that prohibition was done away with through the Amendment 21 repealing Amendment 18. So once again we have another lawless person who just flaunts going against the Constitution. Is there anyone in government who still believes in our Constitution?

      Like

      • privbullright said:

        Pepp,

        “How?”…. I dunno! Doesn’t say much for voters. If there is anyone who still “believes”, they aren’t making enough waves against the stampede. So its easier to ban trans fats than nany tyrants in our system. If I was a dog I’be tillting my head all the way to the side with my ears standing straight up.(wondering why)

        Like

        • PBR,

          No it doesn’t say much for the voters in NYC. From everything I’ve heard NYC is a liberal bastion. So then I guess these liberals like this nanny state crap Bloomberg is constantly enforcing. He’s a nut job in my opinion.

          I suppose with his money and that city full of nanny state endorsers he may be in office forever. Aren’t there term limits for being a mayor? If not there should be.

          Right, even a dog knows better than a liberal any day of the week.

          Like

          • Pepp,

            Yes, there were term limits for the mayor of NYC 2 terms. However Gloomberg decided that he wanted to have an extra bite of the apple so he ran again. The asses in the city voted for him again giving him a third term. God only knows if he will want another term.

            The former mayor Rudy was loved by the people and they wanted him to run again. He however followed the law and didn’t run. When 9/11 happened Rudy was still in office and he offered to stay on and oversee the cleanup but Gloomy told him he wasn’t needed and his term would be over in a few months and to clear out

            Who knew what a control freak he is. I wonder if O should cheat his way into a second term if he to would just throw out the law and name himself the King. God knows he doesn’t follow the laws now.

            Like

          • Dogged,

            What a piece of work that BloomGoon is! I had the idea that Rudy was well respected as mayor. But, I sure have a hard time seeing people respect this guy, the nanny state killer of everyone’s fun and food.
            He sure is a control freak as you put it. No doubt about that.

            I think there is a good possibility that the Liar in Chief will declare
            himself Dictator before the election. Why not? He doesn’t believe in
            the Constitution at all, it’s a “negative document” to him and we know all his lawless acts continue with no one stopping him.

            Like

  13. willibeaux said:

    Mrs. Pepper’awk and Gos’awk. The SPOOK is patiently waiting for the go ahead to start training your cats. This will be a pilot program and if successful has the potential of being a very profitable endeavor.

    I can see the bill boards in KY now. Flemingsburg farm family has a pair of ugger lager cats aggressively chasing birds. Yours can too. Contact Willibeaux Slocum at 1-800-THEFOOL!

    What say you ‘awk?

    ‘ooRah! 😉

    Like

  14. Hey Beau, ole friend!

    When will da Spook be comin by ta picks up da cats?

    Like

  15. Oh! No!… I walked out on the back porch this morning and saw tons of Tweety Birds sitting on the porch rails! All facing and looking at me! They didn’t fly off like they normally would. They just sat there staring as I looked at them. It was like some kind of stand off. Finely i said in a load voice, BOO!.. They didn’t move! Just stared at me! So then I stomped my foot on the porch and waved my arms yelling ‘get out of here.’ That did it and they all took off out of sight around the house.

    I swear. There is a Bird Conspiracy going on! Or… they are just making me real Paranoid!

    Like

    • privbullright said:

      Hawk,
      I’m no expert but I figure if there were chirping away out there, I’d say there’s no problem. But if the were sitting there quietly staring, that spells trouble. They could be scouting the area as part of agenda 21 plans for a sanctuary preserve. I’m a little worried about that. They get them all stirred up in the East and North East, excited bout them plans, and then they migrate through the country and cause trouble. Somethin’s got them stirred up.

      Like

      • Bull,

        Well, they weren’t chirping. Not a sound did they make.

        Hmmm… you may be on to something there. “Scouting the area for agenda 21.”

        I wonder who is behind all of this??

        Like

      • PBR,

        Maybe the Fearless Fraud leader has a new czar, a bird czar who trains these birds to scare the crapola outta people to make them run for cover somewhere else, like to a FEMA camp.

        Like

  16. Hey Beaux!

    Where’s da Spook with his Cat trainer?

    Like

    • ‘awk,

      I’m sorry as hell I’ve missed out this fun with bull, Willi and you! My damn internet is screwed up again and I’ve barely got enough signal to hold on right now!

      Ta what ya’ll been sayin’…LMFAOROTF!! I really missed a good one this weekend; damn Windstream! But, I’ll try to catch up now.

      Awk, Willi and that thar bull; er KY shine is some mighty fine sippin, but it’ll blow yer brains out! An old buddy of mine and I commenced to sippin’ on a quart one day right after work. Before we new it; da quart be gone. Den we decided wee’s hunger ass hell and headed out on circle 4 to get back to the honky side of Lex to eat us some grub. Keep in mind, this was a KY January and colder than a well diggers azz in Laska. Bout half way round circle 4 I commenced to sweating parfusely and got mighty dizzy. The rest of my trip round circle 4 consisted of me rolling down me winder and sticking me head into the below zero breeze just ta keep from passing out! This here be ye warning label!

      Now, bout dat dar mean azz cats; wherezz can I get em? I be living in the bastion of liberal filth here in Lex and I could use bout a dozen of dem to go with me to da voting polls. Dat der be funnier as hell watchin dem rabid kitty’s chew up sum black panthers!

      Awk; now ye got me worried me damn birds are more liberal filth I has to live with here in da bastion! Good Lord; can it gets any damn worse for me!

      Like

      • willibeaux said:

        Doggone it Dave! You ain’t supposed be drinkin’ dat dere ‘shine without ‘mator juice or orange juice. A few years back some Redneck crackas’ went stone blind after imbibing on some Nawth Gawja corn sqeezins.

        Jist be careful!

        ‘ooRah! 😉

        Like

      • Dave,

        You bet, ya gota watch out fer dat Shine. It be sneakin up on ya real quick!

        Ya gots ta get ah holt of Willibeaux an but ah order in fer dem attack cats. I’m ah thinkin dat dey would be real good to keep da Liberals away!

        An ye bess be keepin ah eye on dem Birds. Sometin is up wit dem!

        Like

      • privbullright said:

        Dave, LMAO
        Are you sure you were just sippin’?? I’m surprised you didn’t spontaneously combust in a fireball.

        Like

    • willibeaux said:

      “awk! They be at de farm tomorrow mornin’ bright and early to pick ’em up. Make sure Zima and Mystic is in dere cages.

      SPOOK says it take at least a week to get ’em whupped into shape. Oops! Bad choice of words. No whupping.

      ‘ooRah! 😉

      Like

      • Beaux,

        Good deal. I’ll have’m caged an ready ta go!

        Like

      • Willi,

        Whooped into shape is something they need. The ‘Awk spoils them to death. No matter what he says on here, he loves those 2 cats he’s inherited when they got dropped off here.
        But, the one cat, Zima, the white one turns out to be a female and now we’re going to have kittens. Yikes!! i don’t know what we’ll do with a bunch of kitties.

        Like

        • willibeaux said:

          Mrs. Pepper’awk! The SPOOK will train them too. Fifty dollars cash or 3 gallons of pure Appalachian ‘shine in lieu of cash.

          ‘ooRah! 🙂

          Like

          • privbullright said:

            Willi and Pepp,

            Willi,the price has gone up to 3 gal now! For that price they ought to be able to hunt gobblers. Those frisky felines are going to be the cutest little bad azzes ever. Meow. Their victims will never suspect what’s coming. By summer they ought to be running white tail.

            Like

        • Pepp,

          Great planin a head to hav resezers ready. Any utter plans cokin?

          Like

  17. Susie Owens said:

    Hawk painting your hood to look like a goshawk would do the trick if not it will still look cool

    Like

  18. willibeaux said:

    Mrs. Pepper’awk and Gos’awk. The SPOOK is making plans to resist Agenda 21 when the Blue Helmets attempt any enforcement. He says we may have to try to convince the badd @zz Appalachian ‘shiners to smoke the peace pipe.

    We will be recruiting “the rave” to meet with his ‘shiner “brothers” and convince them of the need for their marksman skills.

    Stand by ‘awk! Your badd @zz Special Forces Training will be used to help “the rave” in his mission.

    ‘ooRah! 😉

    Like

    • Willi,

      Izz be glad ta visitate with me comrads up in dem dar hills and bezz our leazone! Dez get a bit wild sooz probably need awk to get dem dar crazies trained inta workin azz a team! Izz tink I’ll skip on da sippin diz time!

      Like

    • Beau,

      Resist we must! We can’t be lettin dat Agenda 21 thing take root around here!

      Ah don’t think we be havin trouble wit da Appalachian boy’s. Once dey know’s wat’s comin down. Ain’t no “Blue Head” gona get nutin done round de’s parts! Dey may come in but de ain’t comin out!

      Like

      • Hawk,

        After reading your redneck language over I finally figured out what you’re saying and it was doggone funny.
        Nope no blue helmets or black panthers should ever come near these parts because they will not ever see the light of day again.

        Like

    • Willi, that sounds just fine to me. Bring er on!
      HooRah!

      Like

    • privbullright said:

      Willi and all,

      Let me know whatever tactics work good there, cause we’ll have to double up those efforts here just to hold them back. They already got their foot into the oil and gas biz to try to shut it down, just for starters. So they will have their blue helmet numbers high in these parts.

      Like

      • PBR,

        I think the trick is to blow the blues up with lighting the natural gas while they got their foot stuck into it and push them over into the sea on the oil rigs. That oughta teach them a lesson to not mess with us.

        Like

    • Willibeaux,

      The Spook seems to have a good plan going. What’s this about smokin a peace pipe? There won’t be any peace pipe smoking unless you’re planning to disarm the enemy with some real strong weed. They got lots of that down here also. The shiners grow their own ya know.
      The gubmint planes fly over with their special weed spotting gizmos and go in and tear the stuff down. Next to tobacco, the biggest crop in KY is weed. 😀

      I’m sure the Rave and the Hawk will be able to take things on quite nicely. We just gotta get the Rave up here for his training.

      Like

  19. Dave, Beaux, Hawk,

    I’m getting to the point where I no longer understand you rednecks. Now that is really bad.

    The good thing is certain other people won’t understand what you are all talking about.

    Like

    • willibeaux said:

      Now Mrs.Pepper’awk! We could make you honorary Redneck so that you understand us. I’m sure the ‘awk and “the rave” will agreeable to this. There is a secret initiation ritual that you have to pass first.

      Are you game?

      ‘ooRah! 😉

      Like

      • Willi, sure I’m game. I’m always up for more fun. Have to feed that funny bone I’ve got inside of me often.

        HooRah! 🙂

        Like

      • Willi,

        The rave sure do agrezzz wit putin dat dar Pep up azzz an onawary redneck! Izz herd shezzz be mighty fine wit dat dar rifle!

        Like

        • Sure am Dave. I won 3rd prize in the shooting contest when I worked at XU. Of all things they had this festival called Shootinfest or something like that. I forget the actual name. But you drink beer and you shoot rifles in the shooting range they had on campus. I was shocked to come in 3rd place. My boss brought me my target paper and hung it on my wall in my office and said he now had a lot more respect for me and didn’t want to ever get on my bad side. 😀

          Like

    • privbullright said:

      Pepp,

      I’m trying to get the dialects sorted from the blue grass redneck to western. It ain’t easy. Yea, it will sound like Swahili mixed with French to UN intel. Good thing Willi has it in with code talkers.

      Like

      • PBR,

        Believe it or not even living here in the middle of redneck country, I’m getting confused as to what language they are talking. Now that is saying something!

        I’m glad Willi has the Navajo code breaker codes. I don’t think I’ll understand them myself.
        There’s bigger and smarter people out there than me who can talk all these languages.

        ps. The ‘Awk likes to show off speaking German and Spanish around me. But, I’ve been doing some lessons in those languages by myself on the web so I can knock him dead with my new knowledge one day. LMAO!

        Like

        • privbullright said:

          Pepp, Fuhgidabowdit!!!…(pay it no never mind)

          Well, I’m pretty fluent in the ‘Pennsyltuckian hillbilly’ redneck strain myself but I didn’t wanna confuse yunzs fa’ther. Fur instance, “corn squeezins” can be verb there instead of a noun in Nawth Gawja. I leave that there up to your imaginations. Great how yunzs communicate in your own lingo tho’.

          Like

        • privbullright said:

          Pepp,

          Wow, Hawk the multicultural linguist. Who’d a thunk it? Great going to you. Funny, from what I heard, Spanish has a bunch of dialects. I once heard a couple guys speaking spanish, and then the one turned to me and said the other (peurto rican) was like a gutter slang to him. Even he didn’t get some words. (and I think every one of them think there’s is the real one)

          Like

          • PBR,

            I should have said the Hawk speaks Mexican fluently. There is a big difference between Mexican and Spanish. I have a favorite opera called “el Amor Brujo” by Falla, one of the great Spanish classical composers.

            I ordered the DVD since you can’t buy it in any stores and it came to us in Spanish. LOL! So, I told the Hawk, well you can just interpret it for us. Although I already know the story well and what they are
            saying. I’ve watched dozens of times in my former life.

            Anyway, since I had to take multi years of Latin for my nurses training I can pretty much figure out what they call the romance languages,
            Spanish, Italian, French which I also had 2 years of that. So I can get a lot of what is being said in those languages, but German is a whole
            different ball of wax. And it’s so guttural and harsh sounding. Ron used only German commands for his two beloved shepherds who are
            now in doggie heaven.

            Like

        • Pepp,

          Erscheinen weg! Erscheinen weg? Ich nicht überhaupt, darstelle weg!

          Like

      • privbullright said:

        Pepp,

        Sly Pepp, getting him to listen by asking him to translate. Sneaky. (Ha ha) Actually, we once lived next to a guy who bred and trained pitbulls, and he was a German teacher. All his commands were German too, which he said was the preferred language of trainers. He also used the special whistles. I kept a dobby professional attack dog for a while which, lucky for me, was trained in English. Pitty anything that got in her way. I ran a couple neighborhood vandals down once and never saw them again. I think they shiit themselves. I let her sniff them until they asked what I was doing. I said she’s got your scent, if you ever come near there again your Alpo. (they didn’t laugh)

        Like

        • PBR,

          Yeah, I’m sly but actually the Hawk loved the Spanish opera because it’s done with Flamingo dancing. It’s a gorgeous movie. And you’re right about the dialects in Spain, they are all over the place.

          Love the story about your attack dog. They might not have laughed but i bet you did. Evil laughing when you know you’ve scare the pants off those vandals.

          Just yesterday I was preparing a salad in the kitchen when Merlin, my shepherd suddenly went ballistic. I dropped what I was doing to look outside and sure enough a man was standing on the porch. I went to the door and asked him what he needed. He gave me some weird story about trying to find somebody’s house but he couldn’t recall what road they lived on.

          Then he said “I parked in the back here over by the tobacco barn and thought I’d better knock on your door so you don’t think some burglar was casing your place.”

          So then I said to him, (being very suspicious now) well, you hear that dog inside my house? He nodded kind of funny. Then I said, “well we don’t concern ourselves with burglars too much because anyone who would break in here would be killed by that huge shepherd I’ve got inside.” He just nodded and quickly took off. And all the while he was on the porch he could hear Merlin growling and going apes..t over this stranger being on our porch. He may have pooped his pants too after he left. LOL!

          Like

  20. PBR,

    I like the Italian gangster beginning of your post. I did watch the Sopranos so got used to that language. LOL!

    Hm…corn squeezins, I’ll have to think that one over but I think my imagination is getting to it. Heard some talk like that down these parts. Oh, yeah, the communication is just great. I can’t understand half of what I’m reading. I’m glad you, Dave, Beaux, and Hawk know what you’re talking about though. This mission is very important and when the Spook gets here we’ve gotta act fast.

    Like

  21. PBR,

    Just so you know Dave has a new article up right now. It’s pretty provocative and just waiting for your fabulous wit.

    Like

    • privbullright said:

      Pepp, Gee Whizz….

      All I know is — and it ain’t much — these here birds are going to have to wait cause it looks like the world is ready to collapse into a hand bag on that next article. Dang, Dave popped the big umbilical chord wide open. Ya can’t take him anywhere.

      Like

We welcome all comments, opinions, rants, raves, and humor too

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: