Wicked Commentary

Funnies for Friday

This time I will tell a story about my son, Jeff when he was around 3 years old.  As most children of that age, he was very much interested and curious about his body parts.  My X husband and I agreed that we would give him the correct anatomical names to his body parts when he asked.

So one day Jeff asked me what his penis was.  I told him that body part was a penis.  He seemed satisfied with that answer and that was that.  He did ask me one question and that was “do only boys have a penis”?  I told him yes, only boys have one of those.

My mother worked at a huge insurance company in downtown Cincinnati.  She wanted me to bring Jeff down to the office for her women friends to see him.  My mother was the usual doting grand mother and adored Jeff.  He was her favorite and made no bones about it since he was her first and only grand child for quite a few years.

One day I decided it was time to bring Jeff to see my mother’s co-workers. He finally had settled down to a place I could take him out and expect him to behave himself.  Prior to the age he was then, he was the most mischievous child and I did not take him out with me, but would do my shopping and other necessary things during the evening when his  father could watch him.

It was better than taking him to department stores while I looked at clothing and he hid in the middle of racks and grabbed women’s legs while he was hiding in there. It was extremely embarrassing for me. Although I must say most of the women were good enough to take it as a joke and not scream. Jeff, of course, would come out of the rack and be laughing himself to death.  Like I said he was a mischievous child, but it was difficult for me to get angry with some of the things he did since to me they were usually funny too.

At least these shopping women had a sense of humor about them or I would have been utterly embarrassed and appalled my son was grabbing their legs and then laughing himself to death.

So the big day came, I got Jeff dressed in his cutest outfit and took him downtown to meet my mother’s co-workers.  We arrive in her office which was many stories up the elevator.  So far so good I told myself.  Jeff was good so far.

I came into the office and the receptionist told me what area to go to where my mother worked.  When I got to the area, It shocked  me to see about a hundred women in those little office cubicles all busily working away.

I caught sight of my Mother and tried to whisper to her that we were there finally.  My Mother yelled to all her co-workers, “here is my grandson I’ve told so many stories about”.  The women all looked over and said “Hi Jeff, we hear so much about you from your Grand Mother”.

Jeff looked upon a sea of female faces, put his hands on his hips,  and said, “Hi womens, I’ve got a penis in my pants.”

The whole place broke out into a cacophony of unstoppable laughter.  I looked at Jeff and back to the women feeling the color of red creeping up all over me.    O..M..G, this was my little boy aged 3 years old!  Why was I challenged with such a clown I wondered?  I stared at his obvious delight in these women who could not stop laughing long enough to even make a sound from my mouth.

Jeff looked astonished at first that they were all laughing hysterically, but then he started to grin ear to ear with his hands on those tiny hips. He was so proud he made them all laugh that day and he was the center of their attention.

I must say that life with little Jeff was always “challenging” and interesting as he continued being a little boy of great mischief.

“If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that’s my reward.”
Victor Borge

Now for your stories that will make us laugh and bear another day!

Advertisements

Comments on: "Funnies for Friday" (66)

  1. privbullright said:

    Pepp,
    LMAO I can’t stop laughing. And that Victor Borge quote is great.

    Like

    • PBR,

      Thks about the quote. I always loved him when he was alive.
      You should have been there that day with me and my son. The women were actually falling out of their chairs they were laughing so hard they were in tears.

      Like

  2. Your story brought to mind my story….

    A little background so that you will understand my cousin’s terminology. I always spent a week every summer with my Aunt and Uncle in the big city. I was 10 when their first child was born and 13 when the second little boy came along. I was 15 at the time this story takes place. This second little boy, Doug, was a lot like your Jeff, pepper. He called me Deedoe which was a combination of his name for my Dad which was Unka Dee and my Mom, Aunt Doe. Anyway one afternoon my Aunt asked me to bathe Doug, age 2. I knew I was going to be soaked anyway so I decided to just put him in the shower with me. All went fine and while I finished drying my hair and such my Aunt dressed Doug. She told me later that while she was dressing him, he informed her that Deedoe’s dong dong (they didn’t teach the correct terminology) was gone gone……I decided that maybe it would be better to get soaked while fully clothed the next time I gave him a bath….

    Like

  3. Now that’s funny, Pepp. What a hoot! Me, I probably would have crawled under one of the desks.

    I don’t know whether this falls under the heading of “funny” or “sad,” but here it is. At 5 years old I liked watching football with my Dad (probably because of his antics during the game). It so happens that one fall Monday morning the Kindergarten teacher put the word “Go” on the blackboard and each of us little munchkins was to use the word in a sentence. For example, ‘I like to go to Grandma’s house,’ ‘I like to go play outside,’ etc. The teacher gets to me and what comes out? “Go go go for Falstaff, that’s my beer.” That was the first time my parents were called to the school.

    Ya’ll have a safe and healthy New Year!

    Like

  4. Pepp,

    OMG…LMAO!!! I’m gonna have to come back and write one cause I can barely type this cause I’m laughing so hard!

    Like

    • Dave,

      Mrs. Al said she’d probably crawl under a desk. I was out in the open hallway where my Mom’s cubicles were and there was no place to hide. I just stood there like some damn fool.

      Like

  5. Pepp’s story woke up one of my many dead brain cells, so I reckon I’ll spew this one bout my son:

    My son was raised from day one to be polite, kind and respectful. But, unfortunately you can’t fight the gene’s you give your youngin’. Michael has always been very outspoken and blunt. He got that from his mother I reckon. He was also a damn wild child (got that from his momma I reckon also) and his terrible two’s made for some bad terrible times. Thus; we didn’t take him out in public a lot once he commenced to walking and talking, except to play. We learned this lesson the hard. So, he was a bit isolated. For instance; taking him to the grocery store was a bad idea, but in my younger days I was well known for doing things that was a bad idea. So, while I was on a short break from the insane asylum I worked for and Michael had just turned three; yes, I decided to take him to the grocery store with me as his mom was at work. He didn’t act up near as bad with me, cause he knew dad would lower the boom if necessary. So, we got through the shopping part with very little problem. As usual, when we were ready to check out there was a long line of folks waiting to check out…goody for me! I knew Michael would get very restless having to just stand in one place and told him, “Son, you behave yourself you here me?” And he said, “Yes daddy.” So, thought all was clear and we’re gonna make it through this OK without him making me look like a jackass…wrong! All the sudden I feel my son tuggin on my jeans, so I look down at him and say, “What do you want buddy?” He looked right up at me and spoke very loudly, “That woman behind us has very weird skin.” Well, I realized at that moment my son had transformed me into a public jackass. I reluctantly look behind us and there stood a black women. Obviously; that real brilliant idea of isolation my wife (at the time) and I may had was a bit over board, because my son had never seen a black person. I had no idea what to say at this point, so I just lowered my head shaking it and said, “Sumbitch; he got me after all.” I looked up and apologized to the black woman for what my son had said and thankfully she must have had children herself, cause she just looked back at me laughing and said, “That’s OK honey, I’ve been where you’re at right now myself.” Michael did not see the inside of a grocery with me for the next 1.5 years.

    Like

  6. privbullright said:

    Dave,
    That’s funny. LOL Must have been an interesting trip home.

    Like

  7. willibeaux said:

    Mrs. Pepper’awk! Try this on for size.

    The Governor of Texas called his chief of the Texas Rangers, Colonel William “Wild Bill” Slocum, into his office to tell him of a suspicious illegal rooster fighting operation going on in the SE part of the state along the Sabine River.

    “Wild Bill” said “I’ll get right on it Guv”.

    “Wild Bill’s” chief Ranger was a W. Texas Redneck named Willi Beaux Slocum (no relation) from the oil patch. He was a 6’ 5” 275 lb graduate of A&M who played middle line backer for the football team under Bear Bryant and was also a Junction Boy.

    “Wild Bill” told Willi Beaux what the Guv had told him and wanted him to go under cover down to the area and investigate.

    Willi Beaux was gone for two weeks and when he returned he told “Wild Bill” that this rooster fighting operation was really a strange caper. The Chief said “how is that”.

    Ranger Slocum proceeded to tell the chief that there were 3 groups in the operation, the Texas Aggies, the Louisiana Cajuns and the Chicago Mafia. An illegal interstate operation right under the noses of the local law enforcement folks.

    The ranger says “chief it gets stranger”. “How is that” says Wild Bill”? Willi Beaux says “ the Aggies entered a duck”. “Huh? Did I hear you right?” says the perplexed chief.

    Willi Beaux continues “it gets stranger chief”. By now “Wild Bill” is pacing up and down. “Go ahead Ranger. Tell me how it gets stranger.”

    “The Cajuns bet on the duck” says Willi Beaux. “What? The Cajuns bet that the duck would whip the roosters? Have they been sippin’ on ‘shine?” By now the Chief is pulling his hair out.

    Willi Beaux says “I couldn’t believe my eyes! You are gonna think I’ve lost it! The duck won”.

    ‘ooRah! 😉

    Like

  8. privbullright said:

    Willi:
    Wow, lol funny; what a duck.

    Like

    • willibeaux said:

      PB! Goes to show you that Aggie ducks are made of the right stuff.

      ‘ooRah! 😉

      Like

      • privbullright said:

        Willi,’I guess! If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…look out, in might be rooster in disguise. 🙂 I have seen a few mean pet geese I wouldn’t tangle with though.(no ducks to date)

        Like

        • PBR,

          Yeah, those geese can get nasty with ya, biting at your ankles and such. And the goose crap they leave everywhere is a total mess. I used to walk Dakota at this one park that had a lot of geese and on the walking trail around the lake was tons of goose crap and I was constantly pulling Dakota away from it because he wanted to eat it. Yuck.

          Like

          • privbullright said:

            Got that right, Pepp. I worked for a couple in Jurzy on a small estate. The geese saw you coming from the pond, and they’d be yapping while they were running straight at you with their heads bobbing and weaving. They thought they were like watchdogs and they were. It wasn’t your ankels they’d go for the groin just for starters.

            Like

  9. Flyoverhere’s very funny shower story made me think of something that happened to me when I was about fourteen (that was a hundred years ago) 🙂

    A friend of mine and I were hunting Quail along the edge of the Colorado river in Cybola valley Arizona. It had been a long hot day, at least 110- 115 deg. and we were really hot!

    We came upon a small clearing with a beach-like area at the edge of the river. It had a boat dock there but it looked really old and not used, My friend and I decided this would be a great place to jump in the water to cool off. We looked up and down the river and all around seeing no one we peeled off all our cloths and jumped in the water next to the dock.You had to hang onto the dock or the water pressure would take you downstream.

    We had been enjoying the water about ten minutes when we heard voices coming from somewhere. Looking around we saw a whole line of canoes coming around the bend upstream. We figured that if we stayed put under the dock, they’d pass by without seeing us.

    Well, didn’t work out that way. We soon realized that they were headed straight for the dock. And to make matters worse, we could now make out that they were a Girl Scout troop of about thirty girls.

    We panicked and bolted naked as a jay-bird up the bank going after our cloths. We could hear the girls yelling and laughing their heads off as we just grabbed our cloths and shotguns and just kept on running for the jeep never looking back.

    We found out later that the clearing that we stopped at belonged to the Girl Scouts.

    Like

  10. privbullright said:

    Pepp, That was funny, I regained my senses, but that was a riot.
    I think we’re dancing on some line where embarrassment turns into humiliation. I had my share of laughs now for a week, some funny stories here.
    ————————————-

    Okay, when I was a kid (6)we went to the way north country at a remote cabin. The first morning I had to go to the bathroom real bad. I walked up to the ol’ outhouse.(a little walk) Someone was in there. So I waited and waited and waited. I was doing everything I could to hold it. Finally, my uncle came out in his typical quick-step. I had been around the side quietly waiting. (didn’t know who was in there) When he emerged I almost jumped for joy but contained myself. I ran in there so fast as I had it all planned. Smell be danged. I turned the block to lock the door and made it to the hole. I remember the feeling of relief. Finally. I finished then turned the knob to run out but the door was locked from outside. Hmmm, how did that happen? I spent the next few minutes examining my options, after not getting a response from outside. I checked out the only hole, down in the pit, to see daylight coming between the bottom back of the outhouse and the ground. That had to be the second option, I thought. No one was hearing me or could. So I tried banging on the door and throwing my body into it. All I could think of is while waiting outside I studied the extremely large nail in that wooden lock. I figured my uncle had locked it as a prank but he was gone and didn’t come back yet. Did he do it on purpose? I tried laughing as if that were the key, even though it was not funny yet. He didn’t return. (that should have been a clue) I didn’t want to feel dumb trying to break out. I tried a few more times harder and harder. No sound of anyone coming. After reexamining that second option I decided to try harder on the first. The thought of trying to squeeze down and then through that hole in the back was not appealing. Some time had passed. I kept throwing my self into the door and finally the block of wood moved down. A few more times it came free and the door flew open. Now that was relief, I thought. I looked around real good, then shut the door and latched it again to walk down the long path. I got to the end and one of the women was coming up smiling but with no clue about it, and I just looked at her still feeling relieved that I got out of there. I didn’t say a word, still not knowing if it was supposed to be a joke or something. After regaining my newfound freedom and being thankful I never had to try that second option, I did tell them what happened, as embarrassing as that was to admit. I figured out he must not have seen me run in right behind him.

    The lesson in that story was don’t always look at the worst side, but know your options.
    Over the years, I’ve often reflected on the wisdom of that experience. Now since I told it, I’m really embarrassed because that’s the root cause of all my “phobias”. ( I’m told by libs I have lots of those)

    Like

    • PBR,

      I think I’d have plenty of phobias too enduring that kind of experience. And to think of going through that “hole”. Yikes, what a mess that would have been.
      Don’t feel too embarrassed though. My Mom used to lock me and my brother out of the house when we were only 2 and 3 years old. She wouldn’t let us back in the house when we told her we had to use the potty. So we simply went behind the garage in full view of the neighborhood. Hey, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go. There comes a point when you can’t hold it any longer.

      Like

      • privbullright said:

        Pepp: LOL, now you tell me. I don’t know why I didn’t just let loose yonder, I’d have been better off? Maybe the fumes got to me. I’d done it before. Outside…. yea, give the neigbors something to talk about. ha ha

        You must have felt like a deer in the headlights. I guess you handled it. What can you do? What a moment. And so proud of himself. (lol)

        Like

        • PBR,

          As kids we didn’t have a choice. LOL! My Mom just thought we were trying to get back into the house for no reason so she wouldn’t let us in. She should have known better to say the least. A 2 and 3 yr old can hardly hold their bladders that long for bloody sake. But as kids often do they find a way!

          I did feel like a deer in the headlights with Jeff. He was always doing these kinds of things, on other subjects, but that one was the worse I can think of. I was just glad the “womens” thought it was so funny.

          Like

    • privbullright,

      That was hilarious! But I don’t think I would have considered the ‘second’ option. I think if I couldn’t break out, I would just camp there till someone came. 🙂

      Like

      • privbullright said:

        Gos: That was sure a possibility, I suppose. Daggone hindsight. I was thinking what it would look like if someone unlatched and opened that door. I’d be the laughing stock. Heck, I guess you had no choice. LOL

        Like

    • bull,

      LMAO! Thank God even at the young age of 6 you had the ability to even see there were two options and didn’t panic and stuck to the first option. Not sure, if I’d wanted to hear this story, if you’d chose the second option! LOL

      Like

    • bull,

      Now that you’ve mention you have a lot of phobias; my username should probably be Davethephobia cause I’ve got so damn many…

      Like

      • Dave,

        Now there ya go. You could have a new user name, Daveaphobia. I kind of like the ring to that one.

        Like

        • Pepp,

          LOL…there already might be a medical patent on Daveaphobia. Won’t go into details, but we know some of my young and dumb day stories already and lets just say most people were scared to be around me…..(-:

          Like

          • Dave,

            You could write a book on being “young and dumb”. Might be a best seller too and help others along the way. LMAO!

            Like

          • privbullright said:

            Dave, patent…do tell. I know its mostly jest. See, I did not reveal background to that story, just say there was more context that may or may not have influenced those decisions. And it ‘could’ have exposed a genetic connection, which I didn’t feel the need to divulge. I thought that was patently obvious. (note to self: check HIPAA on hereditary concerns)

            Like

      • privbullright said:

        Dave, Good one. The more the merrier… Well, I wouldn’t classify myself as phobiaholic. But…let’s not venture into medical privacy issues. 🙂

        Like

  11. That was a hilarious story about your Jeff, Pepp. He sounds absolutely adorable! Just love little boys!!!

    One of my funny stories was about my older son Nick, when he was 2 or 3 years old. We were standing in a line at our bank. I wasn’t paying attention to Nick like I should have been, because I was carrying Chris in my arms, when I heard him say, “daddy, daddy”…… well it wasn’t daddy – he ran up behind a guy in front of us, went under his legs, holding on to each side of this guy’s legs, saying, “daddy, daddy”. I was quite embarrassed! The guy just turned around and laughed as did the others around us.

    Another time when the boys were 2 and 4, we took them to Daytona Beach, FL. We were just playing around on the beach, when Chris came running and saying, “daddy, daddy, a ‘nake if after me”, daddy, daddy, a ‘nake……what he saw was those little fish, don’t remember what they are, but he thought it was a snake – at that time, Chris could not pronounce his “S’s”. Gee, I love those memories and I love my sons so very much.

    Like

    • Donna,

      Yeah, I know you love your sons very much. And those were funny stories to say the least. With kids you just never know what will come out of their mouths or what they will do. You can’t even prepare for such things. They just happen and then you deal with it. A “nake” after me. Hilarious!

      Like

    • Donna,

      I could just picture your children as I read the story. Kids can be so amusing at times. Thanks for sharing that with us!

      Like

  12. Reading those “kid” stories above made me laugh.

    Before I start, remember when many folks carried pagers? Remember also when the DOTs forced all dump trucks to have back-up alarms because some dumbasses got run over? It was all over the news 24/7 for a while.

    Anyway, now the story…

    I was in a grocery store checkout line. In front of me was a 30ish man and his little boy sitting (about 3 years old) in the cart. Ahead of them was a huge man who weighed at least 400 pounds with a pager on his hip. Suddenly the pager goes off “beep-beep-beep”. The cute little boy turns to his dad and yells out real loud, “watch it dad, the fat guy is backing up”.

    I busted a gut laughing, as did the cashier and everyone within earshot. The fat guy didn’t of course but handled it pretty well.

    The kid’s dad was red as a beet. After the fat guy left the kid’s dad couldn’t stop laughing and crying at the register. Neither could the rest of us that witnessed it.

    That was one of the funniest thing that I have seen, and I still smile about it whenever I see a fat guy at a checkout.

    Like

We welcome all comments, opinions, rants, raves, and humor too

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: