Since we have so much bad news on the political scene, I decided to change the subject, if only temporarily to a fun subject: Our most embarrassing moments. I will break the ice and tell one of my thousands of embarrassing moments so the rest of you will feel free to tell about yours. I figure that is only fair.
I have many embarrassing moments in my repetoire that it would be almost impossbile to tell unless I wrote a book about them and that might be an idea. Hmm…………..
We were living here on the farm for about 1 year while I at least was doing just fine “not falling” down. Here is a real picture of me stooping down with Ron’s shepherds Foxy and Shadow, the attack dogs that nobody could ever come near, let alone touch. Hawk was in a state of shock since nobody could ever come near these two dogs without getting attacked so the Hawk calls me a witch. I told him before he arrived I was a Shaman so I don’t know why this surprised him. But I digress as usual.
One year after being here I would be walking on the farm, suddenly have a shock go down my left leg and simply fall down. Later, after all kinds of chiropractic assistance, our family doc sent me to a sawbones where I found out my left hip was worn out and hanging by a thread, all because I was a compulsive exerciser. Another embarrassing but true thing about myself. I could not sit still for more than a few minutes. I would have been better off had I been a couch potato instead of always exercising. But I get ahead of the story.
One day I’m in the local pharmacy to pick up a prescription for my Coumadin. Yeah, I had also found out I had a blood disorder, a tumor on my adrenal gland, a spot on my one lung, a gall bladder full of stones, and a hip going out on me. Reality sucks but life must go on. And one must keep a sense of humor through it all. It’s either laugh or cry and when I do something so embarrassing I just laugh about it. The Hawk thinks I’m half crazy, but then so do a lot of people I know. Nothing new there!
I decided that while waiting for my meds to be filled I’d go wander to the other side of the pharmacy where there are all kinds of gifts, some local made, a lot from China, but all very pretty and nice things for gift ideas for “those who have everything” on your gift list, but you know the receiver most likely will throw the gift in the trash after you give it to them.
I was stooping down as in the picture above looking at some object on the bottom shelf when I suddenly lost all feeling in my left leg and simply fell over onto my back. With no feeling in my left leg, I was having difficulty finding a way to get back up. I needed help!!!!
Whatever way one looks at this it was highly embarrassing as I rolled around on the pharmacy floor trying to find some way to get myself up off the floor. Other customers in the store must have thought I was a mannequin as they stepped over me paying no attention to me whatsoever.
So now I don’t have anybody even seeing me on the floor rolling around. What did these people think I was doing I wondered to myself! Meanwhile I rolled to other displays trying to find one sturdy enough to pull myself up to a standing position.
I could find nothing. Most displays were those typical things with articles hanging on them but on an easily knock over stand.
I decided to try a different approach to get myself noticed.
Of course this is not me, only a simulation of the tactic I tried next. I laid on my back and smiled up at the people shopping in the pharmacy thinking surely someone would ask me what was I doing. I did have one women come by who stopped and asked “Oh dearie, are you all right?” as she quickly stepped over me and dashed back to the card section of the pharmacy before I could answer her.
As I laid there and through my rolling around on the floor, I thought to myself that things sure are different down here in Eastern KY and the people are certainly as friendly as they could get. In fact in most stores they don’t even watch what you’re buying and you can easily return any merchandise. Nobody asks any questions. So I came to the conclusion that any adult could lie on the floor of a store, roll around all over and nobody would make anything of it as there must be people who do this all the time down here.
In Cincinnati I would have been arrested by the store police and taken in a the little white paddy truck up to the city’s insane asylum. But, here, hell, I could just roll on the pharmacy floor all day long if I so desired.
My one thought after that was I sure was glad the Hawk was not with me. He may have left the store leaving me rolling around on the floor in such embarrassment over me once again. Not really, he would have dragged me up by my hair if needed and then give me a lecture about how he can’t take me anywhere out in public anymore. I’ve had these lectures before about how embarrassing I am to be out in public with him. I think he just jests but he could be telling me the truth for all I know. I just laugh and tell him he’ll just have to get used to it and that is that. I usually embarrass him at least once when we’re out together.
Gee, I now realize why he goes to town by himself so much now. No more embarrassing moments of me pushing the grocery cart into a pile of boxes and knocking them down. No more me falling off the curb and into the street. No more me stopping in traffic to jabber off the jaw to someone I know from the hospital where I’ve spent three quarters of my life since we moved down here. They all know me well at the hospital. I must talk to those I see out in public. After all everyone around here stops their cars to talk to a farm friend. What’s the difference I ask myself.
But the Hawk doesn’t understand this. We here on the east side of the country do all kinds of stuff like this. On the west coast where he hailed nobody did that unless they wanted to get themselves killed. He even has trouble with people sitting on their front porches. I was shocked, of course people sit on their front porches so they can gossip with all the neighbors as they walk down the streets. I do it all the time here and try to start up convos with the Amish.
Anyway, I finally figured out a way to get up by myself. It was not a pretty sight. I had to lift myself off the floor by my right and left hand and right leg and then drag my left leg up to get it at least planted on the floor and hope I didn’t fall down again. This maneuver might be called the splits.
Now, 2 years later I’ve had my hip replacement done and I can “walk”. The only problem is I still can’t walk without falling down. When my grand kids were here a few weeks ago, their step father wanted to take a walk. I said “great, let’s all go for a walk”. We got no further than on the path to Tobacco Road and I was down flat on my left side in a ditch. The Hawk thought Merlin had knocked me down and was just slightly peeved with me that I insisted on taking the dogs along on our little walk. But Merlin didn’t knock me down, I just wasn’t watching where I was going and fell into that damn ditch in the mud and gravel.
I brushed myself off as if nothing had happened, jutted my chin out and said, “Hi, ho, now let’s get on with that walk!” Ron took both dogs and went back to the house most likely thinking “she’s going to embarrass me again, I just know it”!
Later, my dear step son in law not in law (is there such a thing?) Chris wanted to see how tobacco is hung in the barn. I told him delightedly, sure I’ll show you, it’s a very dangerous job because the Mexican workers have to climb all the way to the top of the barn and it’s really high”.
I was explaining this all to him when “BOOM” there I was fallen back down onto the floor of the barn, having tripped over the tongue of the wagon that attaches to the tractor.
I laid there stunned. How could I have done this thing twice? Chris helped me up with a blanched face while I delicately seated myself on the tobaccy wagon for a short rest and allowed myself to look like once again this fall didn’t hurt one bit. Just a little tumble that’s all.
My sweet little grand daughter, Anastasia, said to me, “Grandma, I fall down too, a lot. I think you’re just tired. I try to go to bed at night, go up the stairs and BOOM, I go rolling down the steps, all because I’m just so tired.” Then she just shrugged her shoulders and gave me a big sweet smile like “there I got it all cooked up for you Grandma in case Grandpa gets mad you fell down again and you’ve got no excuse this time.”
After taking two very sore and hurtful falls that I pretended didn’t hurt one bit what could be better than the love of one’s grand daughter and her wisdom?
OK, now you all get to tell one of your embarrassing moments if you dare!!!