Wicked Commentary

It is just so terrible that I have so little to run on in the next election.  I have us almost completely destroyed economically.  I  made us look like fools around the world.  I’ve apologized I don’t recall how many times for how lazy and stupid Americans are but it seems to make no difference. I just don’t get it.  Why don’t the American people see all the good I’ve done for them?

Why don’t they like my health care bill?  What does it matter that things didn’t turn out quite like I expected them to?  I know everyone’s health care costs have gone up and their employers are dropping their health insurance, but is that my fault?  Americans are just dense.

And to be perfectly clear, I’m sick to death of hearing the American people bitch about the price of gas.  I keep trying to get them to buy those little plug in electric cars but they don’t go for it. The BP oil spill was not my fault.  And I know Ken Salazar is in contempt of court for not allowing drilling to go on in the Gulf, but is that my fault too?  Don’t the American people ever think or are they just morons?

What will I do to  campaign on?  I see I’m being blamed  already  for this “mess” we are in.  It is Bush’s fault actually.  It is Japan’s fault for that damn tsunami.  Then there was all that flooding and tornado damage.  That big old blizzard in the North East.  What am I supposed to do?  I can’t control nature although I try.  Americans are just simpletons.

Well I think I have the answer, besides the obvious one of blaming the Republicans for keeping us jobless, unable to tax the rich out of this debt piled up.  I can keep blaming the Republcans for being so damn stubborn and doing nothing in Congress to help me out. Even that corpse harry reid isn’t sticking up for me these days.  Oh, well, he has helped a bit by holding up all those 15 jobs bills the Republicans sent up to the Senate, but I’m still being blamed.  I don’t see why.  I do all I can every day. Even when I’m on the golf course I’m always thinking about the American people and what I can do for them.  But, the American people remain half-witted.

But, it doesn’t surprise me that the American people might blame me for their problems because  they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment to explain their frustrations.  Just like my grandmother Americans are  typical white people.  Just plain thickheaded.

But, never mind about all that silly stuff.  I have a brand new idea that will knock their socks off.  I won’t use the words “shock and awe” them.  That sounds too much like that war monger cowboy Bush.  No,  I have a whole new approach.

Here I come to save the day!  Superman to the rescue. I am faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I am from the planet Krypton and so strong nobody can take me on.   I am just so sneaky and non-transparent.  You didn’t think I meant that about being transparent did you?  If you did that is your crack-brained fault for believing that line of crap I gave you, but you Americans are dolts and you never have understood me.  I guess that is because I’m from another planet and you don’t think like I do.

Just think of this one!  I killed Osama bin Laden all by myself.  The American people thought that was me sitting in the White House watching on a big screen  bin Laden being killed by Navy Seals.  But the truth is I was right there with a gun to his head and I shot him dead!  Just dead!  The Navy Seals were only there to transport me into the compound and do the dirty work of shipping him out to sea.  What??  You say you want to see pictures?  Oh, no, I don’t play those games.  This is highly classified material and besides I wouldn’t want the Muslim world to be upset.  And I’m not so sure I’m allowed to carry a gun.  I am from Illinois and you can’t own a gun there.  I wonder if I’m allowed to carry one in Hawaii?  But, then again I’m not so sure where I was born. Oh, the hell with that little piece of information.  That is nobody’s business of course.

And then there is this dumb sucker.  He thought he was safe from me.  Ha!  I showed him. I arrived on one of our top secret drone runways,  I electronically directed that drone right over the top of him and dropped that bomb right on his ever loving head.  Ha, ha.  He had no idea what hit him. That is why the whole world thinks I’m such a slick character the way I take these guys out. You should have been there when Sarkozy and I had a few laughs over that one!  I so love the French don’t you?  Never mind,  Americans seem to have a rather half-baked idea about the French.

Gaddafi!  Oh, did I have him fooled.  Farrakhan visited him thinking I was on his side, the damn idiot.  But when I was over there scratching in the sands of Libya, I came across this loony terrorist hiding in a sewer pipe of all things.  Well I quickly, without even one thought for my own safety, pulled him right out of that sewer pipe and smashed his face in as hard as I could. Then I shot him but it is top secret where I shot him and what gun I used.  You know in Illinois I tried to get all guns banned, but I kept some for myself.  The Secret Service was a bit upset with me for having left them standing in the dust as I rushed forward to get Gaddafi out of that pipe, but I am the Commander in Chief and I can do what I want.  My only regret about Gaddafi is that I wish I could have that macho, mean look  he has.  And those outfits are to die for!

You know what?  I am just one cool dude!   And if you don’t vote for me, the biggest terrorist killer in the whole world, what can I say?  You all are lazy and cretinous Americans is the answer to that one.  I’ve now been in 57 states — I think one left to go and all of you in those states are plain witless.   Now, let me make this perfectly clear, I am the legendary terrorist killer.  I, Me, Myself killed all three of the baddest guys on this earth.  And that is just the plain truth. Oh, yeah, I know you Americans  complain about the Mullahs in Iran, but really what do you expect me to do about that?   They just happen to be good buddies of mine.  I can’t turn my back on them now.

My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you’ll keep me as our King,  I mean president,  so  we can keep trying to change this place called America.  And who came up with that name for this country is a completely dead headed and fatuous individual.

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Comments on: "I, ME, MYSELF, AND I. Am I a Narcissist?" (42)

  1. Pepp,
    How did you get the listening device into the White House or did you lift this from his email? 🙂

    The elections next year cannot come fast enough. Then on January 20, 2013 we’ll have a party. Only 429 days to go.

    Am I counting? You’re damn right I am!

    Like

    • Hi Hardnox,

      As my good buddy, Dave, says to me, “you are cunning Pep”. But I don’t need a listening device into the White House. All I have to do is read his mind. And I’m good at that. Hee, hee.
      No I didn’t get into his email. My FOIA failed.

      429 days to go sounds good and bad to me. I’m glad there are only 429 days left, but during that interval, I’m sure the King will do much more damage.

      Yes, I’m counting. Damn straight I am.

      Like

  2. Davetherave said:

    Pepp,

    LMAO! I had no idea you had the ability to read minds! I need to get you in close proximity of my ex wife! (-: Seriously, a wonderful piece of satire while telling the truth. I laughed all the way through this one, but totally died when I saw the Superman Obama! It’s kinda sad that I was laughing knowing the whole time this is exactly how this “Dicktator” thinks as he destroys the greatest nation to have ever existed. I am with Hardnox! You’re damn right I am counting! Great post pepp and thanks for the laugh’s this early in the day!

    Like

    • Dave,

      I’m shocked, just shocked, you don’t know by now that I can read minds! I thought you knew that. I read yours all the time. 🙂

      Oh, no proximity to that X of yours. I stay away from poisonous snakes.

      I’m glad you got a big laugh out of this one. It was intended to do so. Hope the stitches are healed up from the last time or you may have broken them already.

      Thanks for the compliment Dave.

      Like

  3. Gray Ghost said:

    The elections cannot come fast enough!

    Like

  4. Comedy and tragedy all in the same post. Take a bow.

    Like

  5. Pat: Doggone, buy. I’ve read your stuff before, and like it. But after this one, you are better than I thought. Almost as good as me! I do love political satire that skewers liberals, cynics, atheists, commies, socialists, Al Sharpton, and Mormons with more than six wives. You and I should talk. You’re good company. I think we could be pals. This one was a master work. Happy turkey, sir! Verne.

    Like

    • Re the above. That should be Doggone guy! I am so red-faced. And black-hearted. Yellow-bellied? Hey, watch it.

      Like

    • Hi Verne!

      So nice to see you come by and make a comment. Also thank you so much for your compliments. I too think we could be good friends. If we both love political satire we’d be a real good pair. However, I’m not a sir. Hee, hee. I’m a ma’am or female. 🙂

      But, that’s OK. How could you know what gender I am?

      Let me know, Verne, if you have a project you want to work on together.

      And Happy Turkey day to you too. Too bad we have a turkey in the WH.

      Like

      • Davetherave said:

        Hi pepp,

        Speaking of a “turkey” in the White House; I saw on the news the other day where some guy tried to get his “turkey” for his Thanksgiving meal! He must not be a Marine…he missed.

        Like

  6. privbullright said:

    You have the “I”-man’s thinking down perfectly, as narcissist-in-chief.. And having Joe as an insurance policy was just way too smart for people to figure out, even Joe. (who needs bullet-proof vests when you got Joe?) And able to do all that while he slays America with “just words”.

    Like

    • Davetherave said:

      Hey PBR,

      Great comment about Joe! LMAO

      Like

    • PBR,

      Yeah, it’s not hard to get the Narcissist in Chief’s thinking down well. He shows it off every time he opens his mouth without a teleprompter. He slips up so bad.

      Between the Liar in Chief and Joe, the gaffe master, they are quite a team for slaying America. The only problem is everyone thinks Joe is so funny. I think he’s an evil dolt myself. I guess the King sure knew who to pick as his VIP.

      Like

  7. Ooh, Pepp, gal, yer killin’ it! (she’s baaaa-ack!)

    Like

  8. Pepp, you out did yourself on this one. I was laughing so much it was hard to get through it.The satire is right on! to bad it is all so true.

    Like

    • Goshawk Dear,

      Yes, I could hear you laughing from your study. 🙂 Of course that is just a few yards away from me. Thank you. Once again I commend you on being so unbiased. Hee, hee.

      Like

  9. I assume, pepp, you wrote this using a teleprompter?

    Like

  10. thedrpete,

    Ha, ha. Good joke! But, with all humility, I do not need a teleprompter to speak. 🙂

    Like

  11. Gar Swaffar said:

    We need a ton of Kryptonite. I’m looking on EBay right now.

    Like

    • Gar,

      Bless your heart. You keep looking. I don’t know where in the hell you’ll find any, but we need a new Superman or at least someone to change these gawd awful policies that are killing us.

      Like

    • Davetherave said:

      Hi Gar,

      OUTSTANDING!!! I sure in the hell wish I would of that of that one…..LMAO!

      Like

  12. privbullright said:

    At this point, I think he just regrets that there has to be another election. ‘Why can’t they just anoint me…again..without me having to actually campaign for it?’ Maybe he’ll take some tips from Putin and get creative, possibly change the constitution. I’ve already heard liberals say term limits are so yesterday.

    Like

    • PBR,

      Oh, I would bet you’re right on that one. Why not anoint him? They probably will just like the last time. What’s he got going against him other than his disastrous policies? Nothing. No media scrutiny, no republican stomping on him every day, the people being grateful for all the government handouts. Geez, what more does he need to do?

      Well, yeah, he could improve his image a bit by doing a Putin. But I don’t think he’s got Putin’s body. Oh, I forgot, there is air brushing. Time or Newsweek will probably come up with a cover of a Putin like pic of the Zero man.

      Like

    • Davetherave said:

      Hey PBR,

      “I’ve already heard liberals say term limits are so yesterday.” Not surprising from those anti-Republic pricks! Terms limits were put in place, because of the democrat, left loon, socialist, nanny state Pres FDR! We are still in pain from the damage he did 70 yrs ago being re-elected so many times! We sure in the hell do not want to let this Dicktator NOT have term limits! I strongly believe it is time to put term limits on Congress! Liberals…there must be a very special place reserved only for them in Hell!

      Like

  13. Mrs. Pepper’awk! I have a gut feelin’ that the ‘awk used his special forces skills to wire the white chicken coop at 1600 PA Ave with a series of hidden mikes. The ‘awk is a very talented dude. What say you?

    HooRah! 🙂

    Like

    • Hi Willibeaux, you sly fella you,

      So you think the ‘awk wired something up at the WH eh? Hidden mikes! That is too funny. We’ll have to keep that top secret ya know. The ‘awk doesn’t admit to any special ops he performs. Or you can just believe it about my ability to read minds. 🙂 HooRah!

      Like

  14. I just hope enough voters see things the way you do!!!

    Like

  15. Pepperhawk,

    Splendid post. You might pick up a few Liberal (Progressive, Socialist, Democrat, whatever) fans as I have found out that they can rarely pick up on satire. You are probably being quoted with now on some liberal blogs! LOL.

    One of our regular liberal foils quoted Rush Limbaugh one time not understanding that Rush was being sarcastic. Too funny.

    Well Done.

    Like

    • Common Sense,

      Thank you for the compliment. And thanks for coming by.

      Yes, I know about these liberals/progressives whatever they want to call themselves. They have no sense of humor.

      When I wrote a blog on Townhall.com I had a story going called “Juliet Smith’s Diary”. It was political satire and several of the usual libs on that site were dying over that story of mine. They accused me of being a terrorist and that someone needed to report me to the FBI, SS, CIA, somewhere so I could be taken away. They also accused me of having a very sick mind. LOL! These comments would be put on some of the regular columnists’ comment section for all to read. Well I laughed myself sick and thanked them for giving me free publicity for my blog.

      LIbs in general have no humorous bones in their bodies. I haven’t had any come on here as yet. It surprises me actually. But, I guess they haven’t caught up with me just yet. 🙂

      Like

    • privbullright said:

      Humor is like holy water to liberals.

      Like

      • PBR,

        Oh, now that is a really good one. I can just imagine in my little ole head holy water being sprinkled onto liberals. They’d go screaming into the night. Just like they do over humor.
        Congrats on that one PBR! 🙂

        Like

  16. Hi Pepp,

    Once again a great post. I couldn’t stop laughing while I was reading this.

    The bad part is it’s true that’s exactly what president nitwit thinks. He has gone around the world bowing to all our enemy’s and pissing off our friends. And he can’t figure out why we don’t love him.

    Like

    • Hi Ya Dogged,

      Thank you so much and I’m glad you had such good laughs over it. I’m so pleased when I can make someone laugh. It’s good for the soul.

      I know, the bad part of it is that is true. And we have so many numskulls in this country who actually believe he is Superman.

      I can’t understand how anyone can “love” him. He’s the devil himself.

      Like

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